


Silver Lantern

by JadenSilver



Category: Green Lantern (Comics)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-03
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-03 08:07:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 25,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1737419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadenSilver/pseuds/JadenSilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Filia has no memories, no purpose, and no emotions. When she finds herself kidnapped by rogue Sinestro Corp lanterns and subject to fear experiments, she discovers a power within herself that could change the universe. As questions begin to pile up with few answers to be found, Filia sets out on a journey to find her past. But will she like what she finds?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Start of Something

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to fanfiction.net. Contains violence and torture, but only for the first few chapters. Mostly just about a girl learning to heal from a broken past. Still a work in progress, with more chapters to come. Anyway, enjoy.

I open my eyes. I look around and at first I believe I am surrounded by darkness, with nothing but black meeting my eyes. Then my vision focuses. I can see the corners where the ceiling and walls meet, as well as strange objects hanging from the ceiling. I don’t know what these objects are or what their purposes are, but it doesn’t matter. I have a good view of the ceiling since I am lying on my back, but I can tell I’m not on the floor. I can’t see the floor from the position I’m in, so I assume I’m on some sort of raised platform, like a table. I wonder how I know this. I think, try to remember how I would guess such a thing, what kind of prior knowledge would lead me to this conclusion, but nothing comes to mind. There are no memories. I try to remember more, how I got where I am and where this place is, but I remember nothing. Still, I am calm. It doesn’t matter how I arrived or where I am or even why I’m here. Nothing matters.

I hear voices. They’re strange and I can’t understand what the words mean, but they grow louder so I know they are coming closer. Soon two figures who I assume are the owners of the voices come to stand on either side of me. They look nothing alike, one tall with green skin and the other with many more arms than his friend and skin the color of rust. The only similarity between them is the yellow and black uniform they both wear. I think that they must look so different because they come from different planets. I see my arms out of the corners of my eyes and realize I must also come from a different planet than either of them, since my silvery skin matches neither of theirs.

The two begin to speak to each other again. One of them says something to me but I don’t understand it. I don’t respond and he begins to speak louder. I know he wants me to react in some way but I don’t know what he’s saying so I remain silent. After a moment he stops speaking and hits me. My body reacts before I feel it, pulling me away from the source of the pain. I’ve never felt pain before and wonder if I am damaged, but I soon realize it’s only a small injury. The two men lift me off the table and make me walk, leading me out of the room. The ground beneath my feet feels strange and I wonder if I’ve ever walked before. We stop in another room similar to the one I woke up in except this one has no table. They tie my hands to one of the things hanging from the ceiling and I find that in this position I can barely keep my feet on the ground. I try letting myself hang from my wrists but it hurts so I make the effort to touch the ground. While I’m experimenting with this the two in yellow leave the room.

I don’t know how long I am alone in this room. After a while I feel tired from the effort of keeping my feet on the ground. Two more people enter the room. This time it’s a man and a woman who look like they could be from the same species. I don’t know how I know this, but it seems right. They both stand and stare for what seems like a long time. I give up keeping my feet on the ground and let myself hang from the chain in the ceiling. I can feel it cutting into my wrists but I don’t care.

Finally, the man steps forward and speaks. His voice sounds different than the others, deeper and less harsh, but still I cannot understand what he says. He seems annoyed for a moment. The he holds up his hand and begins talking to it. I’m confused for a moment before I see the thin gold band on his finger; a ring. After a moment the man stops talking and holds his hand out toward me. I wonder what this means, when suddenly a voice begins to come from the ring. I can tell the ring is speaking in many different languages, but none of them make any sense to me.

The man becomes frustrated. He shouts at me and raises the same ringed hand, and I know he is about to hit me. My body braces for the impact before I have a chance to think, but the blow never comes. The woman has grabbed his arm and is speaking to him. He considers her words for a moment and seems to agree with whatever she said. He lowers his hand and storms out of the room. The woman’s face changes slightly, the corners of her mouth pointing upward almost imperceptibly. She says something, and her voice sounds high-pitched and smooth, different from when she had spoken to the man before. I wonder what this might mean, but the thought is cut off by the man returning to the room. He is followed by the first two I had seen, still dressed in yellow, and I notice that they, as well as the woman, are all wearing rings like the one the man has.

They all talk for a while, and I notice that whenever they speak their rings seem to speak as well. I wonder if their rings are translating for them, but I am soon distracted by the pain in my wrists. I can see blood like liquid metal dripping down my arms from where the chain has cut into my skin. I try to support my weight with my feet again, but I am still tired from before and know I won’t be able to hold it for long. The four seem to have finished their conversation, and the green one steps toward me, his mouth turning upward in the same expression the woman had had before. Light begins to flow from his ring and forms into a solid object in his hand. As I watch the light becomes a long stick, thicker at one end, with sharp spikes all over. Before I have a chance to wonder what this might be for, he swings the object low to the ground and hits my leg. Pain explodes in my mind and I hear a loud crack. My body reacts without my knowledge and I scream until I have no air left, but the pain is too much and I can’t breathe again. The man hits me again in the other leg and I fall, hanging from my wrists, in too much pain to even think. The man raises the weapon for a third time and I feel something stir inside me; something terrible that I don’t understand. Then the weapon hits me in the shoulder and the world goes black, my mind unable to take the pain anymore.


	2. Without Fear

“Stop!” Kailan said. “She’s unconscious. There’s no use hurting her if she can’t feel it.” The green man let the construct fade away, obviously disappointed that he had only been able to strike three blows before the girl had fainted. “Leave us”, he said, and the other lanterns did, leaving him alone with the woman and the mystery girl.

Kailan studied the girl for some time, trying to remember if he had ever seen her species before. Aside from the basic shape that was common to so many (Korugarians, humans, and his own species), she didn’t look like anything he had seen before. He knew that the species he had seen were only a small fraction of what existed in the universe, yet it still annoyed him that he knew so little of this girl. “Keera”, he said, addressing the woman at his side. “What do you think of her?”

The woman thought for a moment before answering. “I think she is intriguing, my love. She managed to sneak into our home without anyone noticing, yet she shows no understanding of who we are or where she is. She hasn’t spoken a single word since we found her and seems to not understand anything we say. I would suspect that she is a spy sent by Sinestro, but if he had found us he would have come himself.” She studies the girl with critical eyes before continuing. “She’s surrounded by strangers who want to harm her, and yet she has shown no emotion. Have you noticed? Most beings would be frightened in a strange place with people they don’t know tied hanging from a ceiling, but not her. At most she’s appeared mildly curious.”

“She screamed when Tokkal hit her”, Kailan pointed out.

“Yes, she did”, Keera mused. “But a scream is a reflex, one of the body’s physical reactions to pain. In this context it has nothing to do with emotion. Had she reacted before being hit, perhaps we could have assumed differently.”

Kailan began to walk around the girl as he spoke. “Perhaps she isn’t sentient.”

“Even animals know to shy away from an attack.”

“True”, Kailan agreed. “And besides, the ring said she shows signs of higher brain functions, like what would be seen in a sentient being. All she seems to be lacking is emotions.”

“More importantly” Keera said with hatred in her voice, “she is lacking fear. What if she is a spy for Sinestro? Suppose he’s found a way to make his lanterns immune to fear. If so, our secret weapon will be useless.”

Kailan considered this for a moment. “There’s no evidence to suggest she came at Sinestro’s orders. She has no ring or any other sign to show allegiance.”

“Even so, a being like this could be a danger to our plans,“ Keera persisted. “What if there’s an entire planet filled with people immune to our fear? They would be impossible for us to conquer.”

“Then we would slaughter them as an example to others. We will rule every corner of this universe.”

“I don’t doubt it, my love.” Keera took his scaly blue hand and led him out of the room. “Still, it is a threat. We must be prepared in the event we have to face others who are immune to fear.” She kissed the hand lightly, looking up into Kailan's eyes.

Kailan could never deny his love anything when she asked like this. “What would you have me do?” he asked, following her lead.

“Torture her. Find her weakness. If she does not know fear, you must introduce her to it. We cannot afford to let anything stand in our way.” She floated upward a few inches to kiss him gently on the lips. “You will kill Thaal Sinestro and become the leader this corps needs.” She whispered in his ear.

“With you at my side, I believe I can” he whispered back.

Keera landed back on the ground and stood at arm’s length from Kailan. “I have to get back to the corps before my absence is noticed. While I am gone, find her weakness. Make her fear us.”

“I will” Kailan assured her.

“I’ll look forward to seeing your success when I return” Keera called back as she flew away.


	3. Learning

I wake up. I know I’ve fainted again and I try to think of how many times this has happened before. Is it nineteen or twenty? I’m not sure. The pain is still here, and I begin to wonder if it will ever go away. I remember the symbol burned into my back; the reason I passed out last time. It’s the same symbol as the one on the yellow rings my captors wear. I wonder what the symbol means and why they would put it on me. I think they meant for it to somehow hurt beyond just the burns but I don’t understand how or why. I think of the injuries I have. I wonder if they’ll be permanent. My legs hurt the worst, and I think I won’t be able to walk if they don’t get better.

I see the man who must be the leader of the group standing in the corner. His skin is red and so dark he almost blends into the walls. He has the same look on his face that he always has; a face that means he’s planning how to hurt me. He walks to the table where I am tied down and stands over me for a moment before raising a hand as though he’ll hit me again. I don’t react and he turns away, making a sound that I don’t think is a word. He calls out and the two men I had first seen come to speak with him. He says something and they both nod their heads and move to stand on either side of me. The man stands near my head, so when I look up I see him upside down. He speaks for a long time and I wonder why he bothers. He must know by now that I can’t understand him.

The man finishes speaking and holds his hand over my head with his fingers rolled into a ball. The symbol on the ring seems to be pointed directly at my eye so I can’t help but stare at it. Light begins to pulse within the ring and I find that I can’t look away. I stare into the ring, deeper and deeper, trying to find the source of the light. Suddenly the light gets brighter and begins to shine into my eyes like a beam. It hurts and I try to look away but I can’t. I can’t close my eyes and the men next to me are holding my head so I can’t turn away. Pain explodes in my mind and I start to see shapes in the light. I see myself hurt and bleeding with legs so damaged I am unable to stand. I see the man and his followers with expressions that I know mean they will hurt me again. I remember every time they’ve hurt me and all the pain I’ve felt; the only memories I have.

The light gets stronger, and I feel something strange. It feels like something growing in my chest and pushing on my throat, and I remember that I felt this once before when I fainted for the first time. This time I don’t have the option to faint. I think the light would keep me awake if I tried.

The feeling is growing stronger and I don’t want it to even though I don’t know why. I can’t stop it no matter how much I try and I scream from the effort. The feeling drowns out all other thoughts. I can feel it pounding in my head. Suddenly, it’s like the pressure breaks and the feeling fits in my mind, as natural as breathing. Now I know what this feeling is and why I had wanted to keep it away. This is fear. It’s pure terror.

I try to pull away from the light but my head is pressed against the table. I scream as I pull my hands up to cover my eyes and realize I’ve broken the chains on my wrists. I push the man’s hand away from my eyes but I can still see the light even without the ring. The two other men try to hold me down but I push them away and sit up. I’m scared and confused and I just want to keep them away so they can’t hurt me again. I see the men and I see the same confusion I feel mirrored in their faces. I know they didn’t expect this to happen. I look down at my hands and see yellow light coming from them. It’s covering my arms and legs and shining from all of my skin.

The man steps toward me and I hold up my hands to keep him away. I don’t expect this to stop him but I have to try. I can’t let him hurt me again. Suddenly, two small yellow objects, like strange glowing discs, appear in front of my hands. The man stops and whisper’s something. Then he shouts something and the two other men move to stand behind me. I am surrounded. I spin my head around, trying to see them all at once, not wanting to let any of them out of my sight. They each create a weapon with their rings and the fear in me grows stronger as I recognize the club they had used to break my legs the first day.

The man steps closer to me and I raise my hands higher, thinking this might stop him like it did the first time. A third disc appears in front of me but the man does not stop. I hear one of the men behind me and turn around in time to see the club flying toward my chest. I scream and the discs floating around me fly out and slice through the man. I see pain flash in his eyes for an instant before he falls to the ground, teal blood spilling from gashes in his throat and chest. The other two men rush toward me and I cover my head with my arms. I hear a strangled noise from one of the men and something crashes against the wall at the far end of the room. Then I hear a scream cut short and a thump like someone falling.

I open my eyes, not wanting to see what’s happened but too afraid to not know. The man with too many arms is lying on the floor near his friend, one hand and his head both severed from his body. I see the last man lying against the wall on the other end of the room. I think he is dead but I can’t tell. I want to find out; I need to know for sure, but I can’t bear to go near him. I’m afraid that if he isn’t dead he’ll hurt me. Finally I convince myself to go check but I can’t stand because my legs are hurt. I push myself off the table and nearly scream from pain when my legs hit the ground and crumple under me, bending in places I know they shouldn’t. I drag myself to the man’s side and place my hand on his head. I don’t know how to check if someone is alive but somehow I feel it. There is no life left in him. They are all dead.

I drag myself further away from the man, still scared of him even while he’s dead. I lean against the wall and close my eyes. I just want it all to go away. All the fear and all the pain; I want it all gone. I think about the yellow light coming from me, how it had somehow killed the men. I also think about the symbol on my back and I realize with terror that they turned me into one of them. Somehow they’ve made me like them, given me their power and symbol, and I don’t want it. I don’t want to be one of them. I don’t want to live with this fear.

I realize as I think about it that I don’t want to live. I remember the fear and pain. I think this is all there is in the entire universe. All I know is fear and pain. I see the men dead around the room and think that they must not be scared; they must not feel anything now. I see a broken piece of metal on the floor near me and reach out for it, noticing that one end is very sharp. I’m not exactly sure how to do this but I see the gash in one of the men’s throats and think that this could work. I close my eyes and raise the metal to my throat, feeling its coolness as I press it against my skin.


	4. Unlikely Caring

Sinestro looked at the planet with a mixture of disgust and pride. Finally, he had tracked down the traitors. It had been more than six months since their leader, Kailan, had left the corp. Even worse, he had stolen nearly a hundred new rings, and shortly after two other lanterns had also left the corp. Since then Sinestro and his followers had been working nonstop to find them. Now, at last, Sinestro had found the planet they had fled to. His most trusted followers were with him now, waiting for his signal to attack.

Sinestro gave the word and all the lanterns flew down as one. Soon they came within view of a large complex. Sinestro waved his hand and a small group of lanterns broke away from the group to search for secondary entrances. Sinestro and his team flew to the main doors and entered without stopping. Once inside he told his ring to scan for heat signatures and vital signs. For a moment his ring showed four signals, then they disappeared until there was only one. This was odd since the rings were normally very precise and almost never wrong. Sinestro considered that it might be a trap but didn’t think much of it. Whatever was waiting for him, he could face it.

As they flew through the complex, Sinestro sent some of the other lanterns to search the side passages and corridors they passed. He didn’t want to take time away from finding the traitors, but he also didn’t want to risk someone sneaking up on them. Soon they came upon a set of large double doors. According to his ring the only other living thing in the building was behind these doors. He made a hand signal to tell the other lanterns to be silent then slowly pushed the door open enough to look inside. There was a dim light coming from a far corner, but it wasn’t bright enough to show the rest of the room.            

Sinestro stepped back, made a large construct battering ram, and knocked the doors open wide. The moment he stepped through the doors, a yellow light as bright as a sun burst from the farthest corner of the room. The light soon lost its blinding quality but still remained fiercely bright. Sinestro noted the bodies that he could now see due to the light lying around the room. He recognized them immediately as lanterns that had left his corps. Sinestro wondered what had killed them but turned his attention back to the light. He signaled for the other lanterns to stay back as he moved forward. If Kailan was waiting for him behind the light, Sinestro wanted to handle it himself.

As he got closer, Sinestro could see that the source of the light was a person and prepared to attack. However, he realized after watching her for a moment that she wasn’t a yellow lantern. She didn’t have the uniform of a yellow lantern and she wasn’t wearing a ring, yet he was certain she was the source of the light. As Sinestro studied the girl and debated if she was a threat to him, he noticed another body on the floor next to her. He recognized it as Kailan and stepped forward to see what had caused his death but stopped as the glowing girl spoke. She was saying something, repeating a phrase over and over while crying, but Sinestro couldn’t understand her. He told his ring to translate but it said it did not recognize the language.

Sinestro stepped closer to her and she screamed and put her arms over her face. As she did, strange discs of light appeared in front of her. Sinestro stepped back when he saw them. How could this girl make constructs like this when she had no ring? He thought about his options and wondered if he should kill her when the girl began to speak again. Even though he couldn’t understand what she was saying, Sinestro could clearly tell from her voice and body language that the girl was terrified. She cowered on the ground as though trying to make herself appear smaller and as she leaned forward Sinestro was able to see her back for the first time. There was a large scar, as though someone had burned something into her back, and as he stared he realized that it was his own corps’ symbol.

Sinestro stopped thinking and stared at the scar for a moment. It reminded him of something he had seen before on himself, when Kyle Rayner had branded him with the green lantern symbol. He still remembered the burning pain from it, but even worse had been the knowledge that he would forever be marked with a sign from a place he no longer belonged. He began to get an idea of who this girl was and what had happened to her. He couldn’t guess how she was able to use constructs or emit light without a ring, but the rest he understood. Sinestro assumed she must have been captured by Kailan and his people so they could practice ways to instill fear. Sinestro had never let him use innocent people for this purpose, which was one of the main reasons Kailan had left. He assumed that somehow during the torture the girl had managed to kill her captors but was too injured or too scared to leave.

Sinestro still didn’t know what to do with her. Part of him still thought it would be best to kill her. He had no idea what limits there were to her power and this made her a danger to himself and his corps. At the same time, her power was also interesting and could prove valuable later on. As he debated these options he couldn’t keep his eyes from drifting to her back. Soon the thoughts faded from his mind again and he felt an overwhelming guilt. _It’s not your fault_ , he told himself, _this is Kailan’s doing._ Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that whatever had happened to this girl was ultimately his responsibility.

Sinestro sighed, thinking he would come to regret this decision, before speaking up. “I’m not going to hurt you” he said, his voice harsher than he’d meant for it to be. The girl looked up at him but did not seem to understand what he said. She said something and pointed to the dead man on the floor.

“I’m not like him”, Sinestro said. “I’ll help you.” He took a step toward the girl and the construct discs immediately reacted, edging nearer to his throat and looking very sharp and menacing. “I won’t hurt you” Sinestro repeated. The girl shook her head, still unable to understand him, and said something while pointing to Kailan’s body. Sinestro looked and realized that she must recognize his uniform as the same as the others. The discs continued to move toward him and he decided he had to act quickly if he didn’t want to fight her.

Sinestro took a deep breath and willed his shield aura and uniform to fade away, leaving him in the blue and black jumpsuit he always wore. To his relief the discs stopped moving toward him, but they still didn’t go away. The girl looked curious but still scared and Sinestro knew that if he wasn’t careful she would attack again. “Look, I don’t want to hurt you” he said, trying to make his voice sound a bit friendlier. “I want to help.”

Although she still couldn’t understand him, something in Sinestro’s voice and demeanor made the girl trust him. Sinestro watched as the discs slowly faded away and the light coming from her skin dimmed and disappeared before approaching the girl. He held out his hand to help her stand. Although she tried, she couldn’t make her legs support her and stifled a cry of pain. Sinestro took a closer look and realized they were bent at odd angles and most likely broken. He bent down and cautiously picked her up, being careful not to scare her. Once he was holding her in a comfortable position he turned around and flew back to the rest of the lanterns, letting his uniform spread back over him.

Sinestro landed in front of his lieutenant, Arkillo, and told him to search the rest of the building. “If you find any more bodies, burn them along with these three here. Bring back any rings you find and make sure to bring Kailan’s to me. Also, if you find any more living prisoners, bring them back alive.” He told half the lanterns to stay and help Arkillo and the rest went back with him. Some of the others offered to carry the girl for him or to create a transport bubble for her, but Sinestro insisted on carrying her himself. Halfway through the journey she fell asleep in his arms.


	5. Terror Driven

I look at my arm guiltily as the woman bandages it. There’s a frown on her face and she’s muttering something. When she’s finished the woman looks at my face, sighs, and walks away. I know I shouldn’t have done it. She’s worked so hard to help me heal and keep me alive since I arrived here and all I did was give her more work.

I think about what I tried to do and it scares me. I hurt myself. I was so afraid of being hurt by the people who rescued me that I tried to kill myself to prevent it, and all I accomplished was hurting myself. I nearly laugh at how stupid I am; how stupid I had been.

I think about when it happened and why I did it. I had let the man called Sinestro take me away from that place. Even though he and his people scared me, I had believed I could trust him. I still had the piece of metal with me and decided to keep it. I didn’t know why but it felt safer to have it, like a last option if something went wrong. I had begun to think I might not need it as he carried me away, and after a while I had fallen asleep.

When I woke up Sinestro was gone and I was once again lying down on a table. People in yellow and black uniforms were standing around me and I panicked, feeling the same power grow inside me that had killed my captors before. One of the people said something and another flew out of the room. A few moments later Sinestro came into the room. He spoke to me, although I didn’t understand it, then he spoke to the others. Everyone left except the woman and Sinestro. She bandaged my wounds while Sinestro spoke, then they both left.

I sat in the room wondering what would happen now and when they’d come back when the fear set in again. I began to think that maybe it was just a trick. Maybe they just wanted me to think I was safe before torturing me again. I thought they wanted to hurt me for killing their friends. I remembered the metal that I still had with me, and how I had almost used it before Sinestro found me. As I thought the panic and terror built inside me, and I decided it would be best if I killed myself before anyone came back. I didn’t want them to stop me, or worse, hurt me for what I was about to do.

The woman entered the room as I brought the metal to the skin of my wrist. She shouted something and I quickly made the cut before she had a chance to stop me. She rushed forward and took the metal away from me while she wrapped a hand around my arm to stop the bleeding. I tried to stop her but she gave me such a fierce look I was too afraid to act.

I snap out of these memories as Sinestro bursts through the door. He talks to the woman for a moment before coming to see me. He says nothing; just stares at me. I see a look in his eyes that I don’t recognize, but behind it I see fear. He takes my hand and pulls it toward himself so he can have a closer look at my wrist. For a moment I want to pull away, afraid of what he might do, but some instinct tells me I can trust him and I relax. His hand hovers over the bandage for a moment and his eyes close. He says something over his shoulder and the woman leaves. When he looks at me again I can see pain written on his face.

“I’m sorry”, I say, knowing I’ve hurt him and wanting him to understand that I know it was a mistake. He shakes his head and says something. I wish we could somehow understand each other and settle for taking the hand hovering over the bandage and holding it in my own. His eyes meet mine and I wonder if he can see what I feel the same way I can see emotions in him. I see so many things I don’t understand in his eyes. There are feelings and emotions I don’t have words for or even know how to feel, but I also see fear and guilt, two things I think I know too much about.

We stay like this for a few minutes before he pulls his hands back and looks away. His face is once again unreadable; every emotion hidden from my sight. He says something and from his tone I think he is asking a question. I shake my head to tell him that I don’t understand and he sighs. I feel like sighing too. It’s very frustrating to have people constantly talking to me and still be unable to answer.

I think he wants to know where I came from and how my power works. I’ve seen him and the people who follow him use a similar power, but theirs always seems to generate from their rings. I have no ring, so I think he want to know how I can have this power without one. The truth is, even if I was sure this is what he’s asking and even if he could understand me, I still could not answer this question. I don’t know how my power works. I also don’t know where I come from. I don’t remember how I got to the place where I was tortured. I only remember being there.

Sinestro asks me another question. Again I shake my head. He says something that’s a mix between a question and a shout and I begin to glow with fear. He sees my reaction and takes a deep breath, visibly trying to calm himself. I know he didn’t mean to scare me and try to make the light coming from my skin fade, but I don’t know how to control it. After a few moments I manage to force the fear away and the light fades but does not disappear completely.

Sinestro thinks for a moment before speaking again. He places a hand on his chest and says “Sinestro”. I nod. This much I understand. He is Sinestro. He then points to me and I shake my head, not understanding. He repeats the motion and I realize he’s asking for my name. I try to think of it and decide that I don’t have one. There is a word Kailan used to call me but I think it is more of an insult than a name and do not want to be called that again. “I don’t know”, I whisper after trying to remember. Sinestro nods and repeats the phrase and I realize he must have mistaken it for my name. I don’t know how to explain the mistake to him but decide it isn’t important. These people have to call me something and I suppose ‘I don’t know’ is as good as anything else.

Sinestro says something then leaves. While I’m alone I repeat my new name out loud, testing how it sounds. I say it slowly stretching out the sounds. “Fi-Li-Ah.” I say it again, faster. “Filia.” I like the sound and decide once again that it suits me. Even to myself, I am unknown.


	6. Relocation

Sinestro stood near the door, waiting for the doctor to be done checking on Filia. He already knew what the report would be. Most of the girl’s wounds were fully healed. Only her back and legs still showed signs of the trauma she had suffered. The doctor had told him before that Filia’s legs were too badly damaged for her to walk again, and the cuts on her back would most likely scar.

Still, she was alive and physically she seemed to be getting better every day. She was certainly learning quickly. Sinestro had started teaching her Korugarian shortly after she was rescued. Now, only a few weeks later, she had nearly mastered the language. Once they had been able to understand each other Sinestro had asked her where her home was. Filia had explained that she had no memories before her captivity and didn’t know where she came from. She said the first thing she remembered was waking up and being found by Kailan’s men, but most of her memories of her captivity were difficult for her to remember.

Sinestro attributed this lack of memory to a phenomenon he called fear poisoning. He had seen it a few times before in people who had come across the fear entity Parallax. He couldn’t think of how Filia had become infected, but he suspected it had something to do with the strange ring he had found on Kailan’s body. Those with the sickness were often gripped with crippling and unexplainable fears they were unable to overcome, as well as memory loss. Sinestro only knew a few people who had ever overcome the sickness, and they were Green Lanterns.

That’s why Sinestro was now waiting to speak to Filia. She was healing in every other way she could but her fear had shown no signs of fading. He knew that no one could live for very long in such a heightened state of fear. She had already tried to kill herself to escape the fear once, and although she hadn’t tried to hurt herself since he didn’t think it was safe to leave her alone. He needed to find a way for her mind to heal before she was too badly damaged by the fear.

Once again, Sinestro questioned his actions. He knew he shouldn’t be concerned with this girl. She wasn’t part of his corp and therefore her fate was none of his business. He knew the rumor amongst his lanterns was that he wanted to study her power and use it for the corp. Although he had thought of this, it wasn’t the reason Sinestro had first chosen to help her. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but he knew it involved the scar on her back. It reminded him so much of his own that he couldn’t help but feel sympathy when he first saw it. With that sympathy had come guilt. He couldn’t ignore the fact his own people had done this to her, and in his mind that made it his fault. Normally he wouldn’t care who got hurt as a result of his actions but for some reason he felt responsible for this girl. He wanted to do what was best for her, even if it didn’t benefit himself or his corp.

The door opened beside Sinestro and the doctor stepped out. She looked at him and said “same as before. I’ve done everything I can for her, but I can’t get her walking again.” Sinestro nodded and dismissed her with a wave of his hand. It’s what he had expected. The doctor flew away and Sinestro entered the room.

Filia was sitting up with her back facing the door. Even though it was covered with bandages he could still imagine the deep cuts spilling bright silver blood. Sinestro pushed the thought from his mind and moved around the table so Filia could see him. She jumped when she saw him out of the corner of her eye but relaxed a little when she recognized him.

“Filia” he said by way of greeting as he created a construct chair facing her. “There’s something I need to ask you” He said, sitting down.

“What is it?” She asked, a pale yellow aura beginning to glow on her skin.

“Do you feel safe here?” Sinestro asked.

Filia thought for a moment before answering. “No. I know I have no reason to be afraid here. No one here has ever tried to hurt me or done anything to scare me, but I’m still afraid. I don’t know how to not be.”

Sinestro nodded. It’s what he had suspected. She wasn’t just afraid of his lanterns, she was afraid of everything. “I think I know what’s causing your fear” he said. “Unfortunately, I don’t know how to cure it.” Filia’s shoulders drooped and Sinestro added quickly “but I know some people who might be able to help.”

“Who?” Filia asked.

“Green Lanterns.”

“What are they?”

“They are like my corp but instead of using the yellow power of fear, they use the green power of will” Sinestro answered.

“So they’re . . . your allies?” Filia asked, trying to remember the right word. “Your friends?”

“No” Sinestro said. “They are one of my corp’s greatest enemies.”

“Why would they help me? If they are your enemy then won’t they try to hurt me?”

“They are our enemies, but most of them are still good people. They will want to help you because you are an innocent victim of my people.”

“No” Filia interrupted him. “I’m a victim of people who left your corp. What they did isn’t your fault.”

“Whatever the case,” Sinestro said, annoyed that she had been able to recognize his guilt, “they will want to help you because you have been hurt by their enemy and have nowhere to go.”

“What if they can’t help me?” Filia said after a moment of silence.

“Green lanterns are chosen for their ability to overcome fear” Sinestro explained. “If anyone can help with this, they can.”

“What if they can’t anyway? What if I can’t be healed?”

Sinestro place his hand over Filia’s, an action he had used often to help calm her down. “No matter what, you are always welcome here. If anything goes wrong you can come back. But it would be better if you let them try so you don’t have to live with the fear.”

Sinestro looked into Filia’s shining eyes, and she stared back into his dark ones. He didn’t look away until she nodded her head and whispered “alright”. She sat up straighter and said more loudly “alright, I’ll do it. Where do we go?”

“To the center of the universe” Sinestro answered. “A planet called Oa.”


	7. Meetings and Goodbyes

Hal Jordan sat on the asteroid and waited. _This is a bad idea_ , he thought as he made a baseball with his ring and absentmindedly tossed it from hand to hand. _Sinestro says he needs my help, I know it’s probably a trap, and yet here I am. There has got to be something wrong with me._ He glanced around to make sure he was alone. The asteroid was normally a safe meeting place, constantly orbiting Oa but staying far enough away from the planet for visitors to go undetected. However, it was also a common spot for other green lanterns to visit, so there was a risk of running into other people here.

Hal remembered when he had first come here. He was still a rooky then, and his mentor Sinestro had taken him there to yell at him for some mistake or other. Since then it had become one of his favorite places to come and think, and he and the other green lanterns from earth would often come here to talk. After the Blackest Night Hal and Sinestro had agreed they needed a way to contact each other in case of another emergency, and they had chosen the asteroid as a meeting place. Hal had also told the leaders of some of the other corps about the asteroid. He liked knowing people like Sinestro or Attrocitus had to meet him in a place where he could call the rest of the corp for help if necessary.

A spot of yellow appeared in the distance. The baseball dissolved in Hal’s hand and he stood. Within a moment the approaching shape was close enough for Hal to see that Sinestro wasn’t alone. There was a girl with him, travelling inside of a transport bubble. Sinestro landed a few yards in front of Hal with the bubble hovering a few feet behind him. Hal couldn’t see much of her Sinestro, but he thought there was something off about the girl. She was sitting with her legs bent strangely beneath her, and she seemed to be glowing, although it was difficult to tell through the walls of the bubble.

“Jordan” Sinestro said with a nod. “I have to admit, I wasn’t entirely sure you’d show up.”

 _Neither was I_ , Hal thought before speaking. “What’s this about, Sinestro?”

“I need your help.” Sinestro said the words as though they brought physical pain.

Hal was surprised. Normally it would be like pulling teeth to get Sinestro to admit he needs help. This time he had come right out and said it. _This must be something serious_ , Hal thought. “What do you need help with?”

Sinestro explained briefly how he had found Filia and what had happened to her since then, as well as his theory about her fear poisoning. Hal was surprised to hear that some of Sinestro’s lanterns had tried to overthrow him. Most of his followers were loyal to the point of death. He was even more surprised to hear about Filia’s powers. He had never heard of anything like it before.

“So, she has all the same abilities as a yellow lantern?” he asked.

“Nearly. She can make constructs of a sort, although they can’t form a specific image. Similarly, she can make a personal shield, but it tends to spread out further than it should as though it can’t exactly hold her shape” Sinestro explained.

“Can she fly?” Hal tried to see around Sinestro by leaning to the side, but it was no use. He wouldn’t be able to see Filia until Sinestro stepped out of the way.

Sinestro shook his head. “Once when she was startled she flew to the ceiling. Since then she has been unable to, but I believe she could if she was motivated to.”

Hal thought about this for a while. He had no problem helping this girl if she needed help, but he wasn’t sure it was true. It wasn’t like Sinestro to do so much to help a stranger. It was even less like him to hand a potentially powerful ally over to his enemies. “Why are you doing this? Why do you care about her?” He asked skeptically.

“Despite what you may think, I do understand the concept of responsibility, Jordan” Sinestro said defensively.

“Responsibility?” Hal asked, his tone accusing. “Everything that’s happened to this girl has happened because of you. You train your lanterns to spread fear throughout the universe, and then wonder why they do things like this. And you want to talk about responsibility? She and countless others have suffered through the actions of your lanterns, which makes their suffering your fault.”

“I know!” Sinestro snapped. “That is why I want to help her.” He took a moment to compose himself before continuing. “Will you help her or not? I do not wish to waste any more time here if your answer is no.”

“Of course I’ll help” Hal said, taken back by the outburst. Sinestro usually made an effort to appear calm, as though he wasn’t really concerned with whatever was happening. Judging by his reaction, Hal thought he’d struck a nerve. “Are you sure Oa is the best place for her?” He asked, hoping the change in subject would calm Sinestro down. Hal wasn’t in the mood for a fight.

“Green lanterns are trained to overcome fear. It is a skill Filia needs to learn.”

“What about the Guardians? You know how they react to things they don’t understand or that could pose a threat to them.” Hal knew the Guardians wanted all the other lantern corps gone. He didn’t think they’d react very well to someone with the capabilities of a lantern without the use of a ring.

“Then don’t tell the Guardians about her powers. I’ve asked and she says she can hide them if she needs to, as long as she doesn’t become too afraid.”

Hal thought for a moment before asking “mind if I speak to her myself?” Without waiting for an answer he stepped around Sinestro and walked toward Filia.

“She speaks Korugarian” Sinestro said as Hal stopped at the edge of the bubble.

Hal told his ring what language to translate into and dropped to one knee so he was at eye level with the sitting girl. “Hi. My name’s Hal. What’s yours?”

“Filia” she replied.

Although she mostly looked curious, Hal also saw a trace of fear in her eyes. He lifted a hand to brush some hair out of his eyes and she flinched as though expecting to be hit. Hal quickly lowered his hand and apologized for frightening her.

“It’s not your fault” she said, trying to stay calm. “Everything scares me. It’s not just you.”

Hal talked to her for a little while longer, asking a lot of the same questions Sinestro had already asked her. Her answers matched what Sinestro had told him, and he didn’t think anyone as terrified as Filia could lie very well, so Hal assumed it was true. Still, part of him thought it was too good to be true. None of this fit with the Sinestro he knew. Even the confident attitude seemed to be slipping. _It doesn’t matter_ , he told himself. _This girl needs help and green lanterns might be the only ones who can help her. That’s what’s important._

Hal turned back to Sinestro and said “you’re right. This looks like fear poisoning. Although you have more experience with it than I do.”

“You have experience recovering from it. That’s what she needs.”

Hal stood up and started making his own transport bubble. “I have to get back to Oa. If I’m gone too long the Guardians will start asking questions and then I’ll have to start making up answers.”

Sinestro helped transfer Filia to the new bubble. “I must also go. I have other business to attend to.” He turned to Filia and said “goodbye. I hope to see you again.” Filia nodded in response.

Sinestro began to fly back the way he had come and Hal turned back toward Oa. Filia put her hand on the side of the bubble and watched Sinestro getting further away. Something didn’t feel right. He had saved her life and helped her when no one else would, and she didn’t know if she’d ever see him again. She didn’t want to let him go without expressing gratitude for all he had done for her. “Wait” she said as Hal began to move in the opposite direction. Filia let the yellow aura she had been holding back spread over her skin and pushed against the wall of the bubble. It immediately dissolved around her fingers and she flew toward Sinestro.

Filia was surprised at what she was doing. She had acted without thinking at first and was now shocked at how easy flying was. When she had flown half the distance to Sinestro she called out his name and he turned to face her. She didn’t slow but continued until she hovered about a foot away from him. Without hesitating Filia wrapped her arms around his chest and whispered “thank you.”

Sinestro hesitated, startled, before lightly placing his hands on her back. He then took her by the shoulders and gently pushed her back to arms length. Filia stared into his eyes for a moment longer before turning and flying back to Hal.

Hal tried his best to hide his surprise and amusement at what had just happened. He had never seen anyone hug Sinestro before, but what was even more shocking was that Sinestro had returned the hug, albeit reluctantly. It was all too weird to even think about.

Hal offered Filia the transport bubble, but she declined with a shake of her head. She had been carried enough during this journey. She wanted to finish it on her own.


	8. Settling In

I look around the room. This place is so different from where I used to be. There’s white and green on the walls, the ceiling, the floor, everywhere. It’s so bright and beautiful yet still somehow cold and artificial. It’s very unlike the dark red walls carved into the surface of Sinestro’s planet.

I think about the people here and how they too are very different. I feel no fear from them. I myself am scared often, but I do not feel fear from those around me. In some ways it is unnerving, seeing nothing I recognize in the people around me, but it is also comforting. I don’t feel the need to adopt their fears, which makes it easier to focus on controlling my own.

 I am curious about what they feel, however. Like Sinestro, they each feel many different things with one much stronger than the others, but unlike Sinestro, I cannot recognize what it is they feel. I see the doctor, Soranik Natu, working with some machinery at the other end of the room. I focus and see all the emotions within her, but they are like shades of grey. I cannot recognize a single one of them. Soranik notices me watching and comes over to see me.

“Is everything alright?” She asks. “Do you need something?”

“No”, I say as I look away from her. I find it difficult to look directly at people when talking. It makes me nervous. “I was just thinking.”

“If you ever need anything, let me know” she says. Soranik turns as though she’ll leave, then abruptly turns back to face me. “What do you think of it here? Are you happy?”

I think for a moment. I am less afraid here, so it is an improvement. There have even been points where I feel no fear at all. These moments scare me, however. At these times the fear isn’t replaced with anything, it simply ceases to exist. It reminds me of before I first felt fear. I didn’t feel anything then, and these times are similar. I simply feel nothing. I believe this would be hard for the others to understand since they are so full of emotions all the time. I am not sure if this would count as being happy. To me it is just confusing. I finally raise and then drop my shoulders in a gesture I have seen Hal Jordan use a few times to show lack of knowledge.

“Are you bored?” Soranik asks.

“There’s nothing I want to be doing” I say, trying to think of how to describe it.

“But you don’t want to just sit here, either?” Soranik guesses.

I think for a moment before answering. “I want to understand. I want to understand what I feel and what I can do and why I can do it. I want to understand you and Hal and all the other people here. I want to understand the things I see in you that I can’t recognize.” I hesitate for a moment before adding, “And I want to know where I come from. I want to know who I am and if there are others like me.”

“Most of that I don’t know the answers to” Soranik says. “But I’ll help with what I can. Hal is currently trying to find your species in the Oan records. The Guardians have more knowledge of the universe than any other people who have ever existed, and they have recorded billions of species. Still, that is only a fragment of the sentient species in the universe, so it’s possible he’ll find nothing. As for your power, I have no idea where that comes from. My ring can’t trace where it’s coming from, it just keeps telling me you are the source of the energy. I don’t know why you have this power, but from what I’ve seen during my time as a green lantern I do know one thing. Power like this doesn’t exist without a reason. I don’t believe in fate or gods or anything like that, but if you have a power like this than I believe you are meant to use it for something.”

“What purpose is that?” I ask. “What am I supposed to use it for?”

“That’s up to you”, she tells me. “The yellow lanterns use their power to do whatever they want. They use fear to manipulate and terrorize people to serve their own purposes. Green lanterns use it to help people. We police the universe and try to stop people like Sinestro. Many others have power and they all use it for different things. It’s your choice to do whatever you want with it. What would you like to do?”

I think about this. What do I want to do? I want to know so many things, but what would I do with this knowledge? I think of the examples Soranik provided. I know most of the universe would consider helping people to be the morally right choice, but I find no particular appeal in the idea. What is the purpose of helping people? I know it is what the green lanterns do. I do not know why. What is the reason behind it? I also think about the yellow lanterns. I think of what has been done to me and know I do not wish to do that. Hurting others would only remind me of how I have been hurt, which would add to my terror. Still, I wonder once again why I was hurt. I know Kailan intended to scare me, but I do not understand the purpose. What was the reason behind his actions? I don’t understand why he did what he did, but I do know there are others like him out there. This thought leads me to my answer.

“I just want to be left alone,” I tell Soranik.

“What about your gift?” She asks. “What you can do is special. You should use it for something.”

“I don’t want to use it for anything. I know many people would consider my power a gift, but I don’t care about it. I just want to stop being scared. As long as I get that, I don’t care what happens.”

“How can you be so . . .  so apathetic about this? There are people out there who need help. People who are in situations just like you were and you could be the only one that can save them. You really don’t care?” Soranik asks.

“No, I don’t.” I see her disgust upon hearing my answer and try to explain. “I can see that you believe what you are saying. You’re so full of conviction. You want to help people that have been hurt and you even became a doctor to do it. You believe in helping those who cannot help themselves.” I pause, trying to think of how to describe it. “I don’t feel anything like that. I don’t have any great belief. I don’t feel drawn to some cause I can fight for. I just don’t want to be hurt anymore.”

“So you just want to take care of yourself?” When I nod, she continues. “You have more in common with Sinestro than I thought.” Soranik turns to leave.

“I am sorry if I’ve upset you,” I say as she nears the door.

She turns back to face me. I see many things I don’t understand pass through her mind before her face settles into a neutral expression. “You’ve been through a lot. It’s understandable that you’d want to avoid any more pain.” Her eyes soften as she speaks. “I guess it’s just hard for me to hear that anyone with power like this would want to do nothing with it. When I was given my ring, I couldn’t wait to start using it. But I shouldn’t judge you based off of my own experiences. It’s not my place to tell you what to do with your life, and I am sorry.”

“Thank you,” I say. My final thought as she leaves is that in many ways she reminds me of Sinestro.


	9. A Few New Friends

I let the fear slowly spread through me. I feel it try to take control but I don’t allow it. I keep the fear at a low level and focus my mind on it. I tell it what I want it to do and how I need it to do this for me. The aura appear on my skin and flares brightly for a moment before I force it to dim. I focus harder and suddenly I feel myself lifting into the air. I think that this is good. I imagine flying away from the things that scare me and escaping to somewhere that they can’t find me. I begin to rise faster at the thought of this. I am excited to finally be controlling my flight and continue to speed up until I suddenly bump into the ceiling and my eyes snap open.

I reach up to rub the back of my head where it hit the ceiling and I hear laughing. I look down and see Guy Gardner, Hal Jordan, and Soranik Natu watching me. Guy is laughing. Hal nudges Guy with his elbow and glares at him before shouting up to me. “Good job! Now come down.”

Rather than land on the hospital bed, I decide to hover just above the floor in front of them. Guy is still laughing. “Is something wrong?” I ask him.

“Not at all,” he says, trying to suppress the laughter. “But you may want to pay attention to where you’re going next time.”

I look up at the ceiling and smile. “I didn’t realize I had gone that high” I say, slightly proud. I reach up and rub the back of my head again, adding “I think I’ll fly with my eyes open from now on, though.”

“Does it hurt?” Soranik asks, concerned.

“Not really,” I say, shaking my head and letting my hand fall back to my side. “It just surprised me.”

“You did good,” Hal reassures me. “I think learning to control your power will help you to control your fear, and flying seems like a good start. I’m sure it feels nice to finally be able to get around on your own.”

I nod. “Now when I’m scared, I have an option other than fighting.” I remember Kailan’s eyes after I killed him. They’d been open, his face frozen in an expression of shock and terror, but the eyes were empty, unseeing. It made me feel sick to think about it. “I don’t want to hurt anyone; being able to escape feels better.”

“Personally, I’d rather fight, but to each his own” Guy remarks.

Hal and Soranik both look at him. I recognize the expression on their faces, as well as the small spark of worry that accompanies it. They’re both afraid that what Guy said will somehow scare me. I’m not bothered by it, though. The thing I like most about Guy is that he never censors himself for my sake. He doesn’t worry that his actions or words will scare me, and I like not having to feel even that small amount of fear from him. It’s refreshing.

“To each his own,” I say, repeating the phrase in Korugarian. I’m not entirely sure what this means, but I see the relief that spreads through Hal and Soranik and know that I have said the right thing.

Hal checks the time on his ring. “I have to go on patrol soon. I want you to keep practicing, though. Try to work on your constructs next. See if you can make something other than those blade-discs.”

“What should I make?” I ask, moving back to the bed and sitting down.

Hal thinks for a moment before answering. “Make something beautiful.”

As he turns to leave, the doors to the room open and a small blue man flies in. Soranik and Guy both stand in front of me to block me from his view, and I quickly banish my yellow aura. I begin to feel uneasy. Even though I’ve never seen this man before, I recognize that he’s a Guardian.

“Ganthet,” Hal says, stepping forward to greet the man. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to ask you the same thing” Ganthet says. He hovers at face level with Hal as he speaks. “I’ve noticed some strange energy readings coming from this room for the past few weeks. I’ve also noticed you and a few other lanterns coming here often. I thought it best to ask you about this myself before I tell the other Guardians.” When Hal doesn’t speak at first, Ganthet says “I consider you a friend, Hal Jordan. What secret is so important that you feel you cannot trust me with it?”

Hal thinks for a moment before responding. “Promise you won’t tell the other Guardians?”

“You know I can’t make that promise. If this is something that threatens the safety of the corp, then I will have no choice but to alert them. Aside from that, I will do my best to keep your secret.”

Hal turns and nods to Soranik and Guy. They both step to the side so Ganthet can see me. “Ganthet, this is Filia,” Hal says. He goes on to explain what happened to me and how Sinestro brought me to him. Soranik provides a medical analysis, and Guy gives comments wherever he can.

Ganthet floats closer to get a closer look at me. I can feel him studying me. His eyes roam over my face as he tries to determine where I came from and what kind of creature I am. While he does this, I begin to study him as well. He’s smaller than I’d thought he’d be. I don’t know why, but somehow I knew what a Guardian was and what they looked like the first time Sinestro mentioned them to me. Everything he told me about them matched what I already knew, except for the height. I had imagined them being at least twice the height of the man hovering in front of me.

What’s even more surprising to me is his voice. I recognize and understand his words before the rings around me translate it to Korugarian. His language sounds similar to how I first spoke when Sinestro found me. The only difference is that his words seem somewhat dull and lifeless compared to my own.

“Why can I understand you?” I whisper. I say this more to myself than as an actual question. Still, Ganthet hears what I say and floats back a few feet in surprise.

“You speak the guardian tongue!” He says, shocked.

“What?” I ask at the same time as the three lanterns.

“It is an old dialect,” Ganthet explains, “one that we haven’t spoken in millennia. Still, there is no mistaking it. You spoke our language. Where did you learn this?”

“I don’t know” I say, still speaking my own language. “It is the language I woke up speaking. I assumed I had always known it.”

“Whoa, back up” Hal says, stepping between us. “What’s going on? My ring’s only translating half of what you’re saying.”

I explain to Hal that I spoke another language before I met Sinestro, and that he taught me Korugarian because his ring couldn’t translate my language. “When I met you, I didn’t know if you’d be able to understand my language, so I just kept speaking Korugarian. I didn’t think it was important until now.”

“And you said she’s speaking Guardian?” Hal asks Ganthet.

Ganthet nods. “We haven’t spoken this dialect since we renounced emotions. I barely recognized it when I heard it.” He studies my face for a moment again. “I can’t imagine where you learned it.”

“Could this help us figure out where she comes from?” Soranik asks.

“It’s possible” Ganthet muses. “The only other people I know of who might recognize this language are the Zamarons. Could you have been with them before the yellow lanterns captured you?” Ganthet asks me.

“I don’t know. I don’t remember ever hearing the name before.” I think about it, try to get some sort of idea of who these people are that he mentioned. Unlike when I first heard about Guardians, no knowledge comes to mind when I try to imagine the Zamarons. “I’m sorry. I don’t know anything about them. Who are they?”

“The Zamarons founded the Star Sapphires, which is another lantern corp,” Hal explains.

“Another corp?” I ask.

“Pink lanterns that use the power of love” Guy says in a tone that sounds slightly mocking.

“And the Zamarons would know this language?” I ask Ganthet. “They might know where I come from?”

“The Zamarons were once a lot like Guardians” Ganthet says. “They may recognize the dialect you speak, but I doubt they could still speak it. They have changed much since we used to be allies. If the Zamarons were to teach you a language, I suspect they would teach you their own. There is no reason for them, or anyone else, to teach you a dead language.” Ganthet thinks for a moment before shaking his head. “They may have been able to recognize your language and tell you what it is, but they couldn’t have taught it to you. They most likely do not know who you are.”

My shoulders fall as I say “so it’s another dead end.”

“I will search the book of Oa for any mention of people who speak his language” Ganthet promises. “However, if there were, I believe I would know about it already.”

“If you don’t find anything, then we’re in the same place we started, so there’s no real problem. But if you do find something, then it’ll have been worth looking” I say.

Ganthet reaches out and takes my hand. “I promise I will do everything I can to help you. In the mean time, you should be more careful about your power. If I could detect the energy coming from this room then the other Guardians most likely can as well. It’s only a matter of time until one of them notices.”

“She can’t control it sometimes” Hal says.

“But I can do better” I say. “I haven’t tried as hard as I should to control it because it helps me feel safe, but I can keep it away if I try. I just need to remember that it’s more dangerous if the Guardians find out.”

I watch Ganthet as he leaves the room. “He’s not what I would have expected” I say.

“Well, he’s not exactly like most Guardians,” Hal says. “In fact, Ganthet’s probably the only Guardian I trust.”

I smile for a second, and then sigh. _More questions, still no answers. I wonder if I’ll ever figure out what this all means._

“Okay, back to practice” Hal says, clapping a hand on my shoulder. I jump for a second but calm down quickly. “Sorry” Hal whispers before leaving. Soranik and Guy also leave after a moment, and I’m once again left alone with my questions.


	10. Chapter 10

I open my eyes and at first see nothing. Then, as my eyes adjust, shapes begin to form in the darkness. Fear creeps into my chest as I recognize the black walls and ceiling of the room I’m in. I try to move my arms and realize they’re chained to the wall behind me. I panic, struggling against the chains as tears fall from my eyes.

I freeze as I hear deep, mocking laughter from the corner of the room. Kailan steps forward as light spreads from his ring to illuminate his features. The smile on his face is sinister. I know he’s enjoying my fear.

“Awake at last” he says, kneeling so we can speak eye-to-eye. “Good. I was starting to get bored.”

I try to scoot away from him, too scared to speak, but my back’s against the wall and I can’t move.

“It’s no use” he says, laughing again. “You’ll never get away from me.” A knife forms in his hand and he holds it against my throat. I stop struggling for fear I’ll cut myself. “You’ll never escape,” he says again, so close I can feel his breath on my face. “This is the rest of your life.” He moves the blade from my throat to my shoulder and presses down. I feel the hard light bite into my skin and hold back a scream, tears springing to my eyes.

Suddenly, the pain in my shoulder is replaced with a different sensation. Kailan and the room seem to get further away as I focus on this new feeling. I feel the pressure of a warm hand gently grabbing me. Someone is shaking my shoulder. The same moment I realize this I find that I can move my arms once again. As I do, the dream fades around me and I jolt awake.

I breathe in sharply, eyes flying open to scan the room. The blanket is wrapped around my arms and covering my face, so it takes me a moment to untangle myself. Once I do I throw the blanket to the end of the bed in disgust, still shaking from the dream. I remember the hand that awoke me and look up to see who it belongs to.

Hal Jordan is standing at the side of my bed, a look of concern on his face. “Are you okay?” he asks, hand still on my shoulder.

I start to say yes, then stop and shake my head. I’m not okay.

“You were floating and thrashing around” Hal says. I sit up and lean forward, staring at my hands. “Was it a dream?” I nod. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I look back at my hands for a moment. I’m not sure if I should talk about it. I’ve never spoken about what happened before Sinestro found me. Even though I think he’s guessed most of it, since it’s fairly obvious from my scars, Hal’s never asked before. I don’t want to relive that torture by talking about it, but at the same time I think it might help. I know Hal wants to help me and I think it will be easier for him if he knows why I’m so afraid. In the end, I choose to trust him.

“It was Kailan” I finally say. “He had me again and I couldn’t get away and…” I trail off, beginning to glow slightly.

“Kailan’s the man Sinestro rescued you from?” Hal asks.

I nod, wrapping my arms tightly around myself. “It felt real.”

“It’s okay” Hal says, gently rubbing my shoulder. “It wasn’t real. You’re here now and you’re safe,” he says in a comforting voice.

I take a deep breath to clam myself, forcing my aura away. “Thank you” I whisper, looking up at him.

We both sit silently for a time.

“Think you’re up for a little trip?” Hal asks eventually.

“Where to?” I ask, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and trying to show enthusiasm.

“I just want to fly around for a bit and thought you might like to get out of this room for a while.” He pauses for a moment before adding “and there’s something we need to talk about.”

It feels like there’s more he wants to say, but I don’t push. I know it’s not always safe to talk here.

We sneak out through a hole in the ceiling, which I’ve been told is a common thing here since many lanterns prefer flight over other forms of travel. Hal tells me to keep my aura as dim as possible in order to avoid detection as we fly silently over the rooftops of Oa. Once again, I am struck by the beauty of this place. The shining white and green buildings spread out across the planet, each somehow seeming to draw my eyes inward toward a single point of light; the central power battery. Streams of energy flow from every direction toward the battery. I see Hal fly straight through one of these streams without hesitation and watch as it morphs around him before continuing its journey. I wonder what these are and spend a moment weighing my curiosity against the need for silence before giving in.

“What is that?” I ask, pointing toward one of the trails of light.

Hal follows the line of my finger with his eyes. “The central power battery?” he asks uncertainly.

“No, that” I gesture to the green trails flowing toward Oa from the depths of space. “That energy, like streams of light flowing into the battery. What is it?”

Hal stares at me for a moment, slightly confused, before answering. “The battery draws willpower from throughout the universe and converts it into the power we use for our rings” he says slowly, as though he’s thinking it through while speaking. “You can see it?”

I nod. “I noticed it when I first came here, but I didn’t get a chance to ask then.” I watch the light for a moment, smiling. “It’s beautiful” I whisper.

Hal waits a moment before gently grabbing my shoulder and turning me to face out into space. “Come on” he says, flying ahead a bit. “We shouldn’t stay out in the open too long, especially not this close to Oa.”

I look over my shoulder to see the planet again for a second. The planet itself seems to glow with energy. Streams of energy flow from its inhabitants and into the lantern. Whatever this thing known as will is, I can see that the green lanterns feel it strongly.

I turn and follow Hal as he flies deeper into space. Once we’ve left Oa far enough behind I let my aura brighten. It’s strange, the way this light makes me feel. The yellow aura stings slightly on my skin, reminding me of the pain I’ve come to fear, yet it’s also comforting, a warmth that I know will keep me from harm.

Hal stops and I start flying in circles around him, testing myself. I haven’t had a chance to fly in the open yet, and I want to see what I can do. I try to see how fast I can go, the light from the stars in the distance streaming into thin lines before I turn and fly back to where I started. I test how quickly I can change direction, the plain white garments I wear shifting against my skin when I turn.

Eventually, I notice Hal flying next to me, matching my every move. “Having fun?” he asks with a wide grin.

I smile back before speeding past him. I start turning erratically, changing direction at random in an attempt to lose him. Hal chases for a few minutes before losing sight of me. I float silently behind him, staying out of sight.

I tap his shoulder and he spins around to face me. “Yes” I say in answer to his earlier question.

Hal laughs, floating a few feet back. “Not many people can out fly me” he comments.

I smile slightly, unsure of the compliment but still a little proud of myself. I’ve never done anything like this before, at least not that I remember. But it’s fun and for a moment, I’m not scared.

Eventually I notice Hal watching me, a slightly nervous look on his face. I remember what he said before we left. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I’m not really sure where to start” Hal admits. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “It’s not safe for you to stay on Oa for too much longer. If Ganthet noticed that something’s wrong, then the other Guardians will too eventually. They’ll want to control your power, and if they can’t do that then they’ll try to destroy it. I’ve seen them do it before. I’ve done everything I can to help you, but you still don’t remember anything from before all of this started. I can’t find any answers.” His eyes leave mine for a moment. “I don’t think Oa is the best place for you anymore.”

I feel fear rising in me and try to push it down. Parts of my mind scream that I don’t want to leave. I’ve felt safe while I’ve been on Oa and I don’t want to lose that. But I know that what Hal says is true. He can’t help me anymore, and Oa won’t always be a safe place for me. “What now?” I finally ask, trying to hide the fear and other emotions racing through me.

“I’ve been thinking about that” Hal admits. “I know Sinestro said you’re welcome with his corp, but I still don’t think that’s the best place for you. You won’t heal the way you need to if you’re constantly surrounded by the fear they use.”

“Where else can I go?” I ask.

Before he has a chance to answer Hal’s ring starts beeping. He holds his fist in front of his face to look at it and a small construct in the form of a head appears. “Salaak” Hal says the man’s name by way of greeting.

“There’s a transport ship passing through the edge of Oan space” the alien says, voice urgent as he forgoes all greetings. “They’ve been attacked and are asking for help.”

“Someone’s attacking a ship in Oan space?” Hal asks, surprised. “That’s a whole new level of stupid.”

“Agreed,” Salaak says. “You’re closest to the origin of the distress signal.”

“Alright” Hal says before Salaak has a chance to continue. “I’ll check it out.”

The construct disappears and Hal turns toward me. “This shouldn’t take long” he says. “Wait here. I’ll be back once I’ve shown these guys not to mess with Green Lanterns.” Fear flashes in my eyes when he says he’ll leave me alone. “Don’t worry” Hal adds when he notices the change in my demeanor. “I won’t be gone long. You’ll be fine.”


	11. Chapter 11

I watch the trail of light fade into the distance as Hal leaves me. I try not to think, try not to let myself fear, but it’s no use. The space around me is so huge and filled with things I don’t understand. I keep thinking something will appear out of nowhere and hurt me. I know this is foolish. Oa is the most well protected planet in the universe. Nothing’s stupid enough to attack here. _Except the people Hal’s fighting_ , I remind myself.

I spin quickly. The need to see in every direction, to make sure nothing is behind me, is too strong and I find myself constantly rotating and glancing over my shoulder. Then, just as suddenly as I began, I stop. The thought hits me that I don’t know where I am and I might not be able to get back to Oa. I panic for a moment and wish that Hal hadn’t left me. Then, I see a thin trail of green light. I remember the trails leading to the central battery and a small measure of relief settles in my chest. If all else fails, I can follow this back. I’m not entirely lost.

I reach out my hand and let the light wash over it. It’s cool against my skin and yet I feel that I’m missing something. There’s something more to this energy than what I can see and feel. It’s the same as what I’ve seen in Hal and Soranik and all the other green lanterns. There’s something in them that drives them forward and gives them purpose; something that I think I may never understand. I desperately want to understand it. When I look at them I never see fear because this thing, whatever it is, fills them up and leaves no room for anything else. I think of a life uncontrolled by fear and driven forward by a purpose and know I want it.

Before these thoughts have time to settle in my mind I can feel the terror creeping back; never far away and always waiting for its chance to strike. I don’t want to be out here alone. I glance back toward Oa but know I couldn’t go there alone without being spotted by the Guardians. Then, I look in the direction Hal went, eyes following the faint trail of energy connecting him to the Oan battery, and consider following him. A small, logical part of me says that I should be more afraid of facing the people Hal is fighting than of standing here alone. Unfortunately, logic and fear never mix well, and fear is always the stronger of the two. Without spending another moment to think, I begin following the trail toward Hal.

I slow down when I see flashes of light in the distance. Redish-orange lasers fly every direction, punctuated by blasts of green. Soon I’m close enough to see the details of the battle. A ship floats stationary in space, laser burns staining the bulkheads, surrounded by people in space suits and carrying guns. Hal is near the front of the ship, crouched behind a green shield as he shoots bursts of energy from his ring. He’s guarding a wide gash in the side of the ship, and through this opening I can see people. Fear fills them as they cower behind the Green Lantern, wondering if one man can really save them from their attackers.

I stay near the edge of the battle, watching. A small group of the attackers have managed to get behind Hal and are flying toward the dead ship. They grab someone from the wreckage; a young girl wearing some sort of suit to allow her to breathe in space. Hal glances back and sees them, but he can’t do anything, not without either risking hitting the girl or abandoning the rest of the ship.

As I focus on this girl, I begin to see something familiar in her. It’s fear. The same fear I have felt so often myself is reflected in this girl, who struggles and cries as she tries to free herself from her captor’s grip. Suddenly, something inside me shifts. I can’t _let_ this happen. I can’t let someone be hurt like this, like I was. I can’t just sit here. I can’t allow this. I have to _do something._

I shoot forward toward the attackers, feeling my aura burn brighter than ever, power pouring from me like nothing I’ve felt before. I’ve never really fought before, at least not intentionally, but Guy’s been trying to explain some basic techniques to me whenever Hal and Soranik haven’t been around to make him stop, so I have somewhat of an idea of what I’m doing. As long as my fists keep hitting the bad guys, I’m good, right? It’d better be enough, because it’s pretty much all I’ve got.

I hold my fists out in front of me as I fly toward the attackers, slamming into the closest one’s chest. I feel something crack under my hand and for a moment I panic, wondering if I hit him too hard and fearing that I may have killed him. This brief moment of fear causes me to falter and veer off course. Once I regain control I turn to see that the man I hit is in fact still alive, though he appears injured. That’s fine, as far as I care. I just don’t want to kill anyone. For some reason the thought of that feels wrong to me.

I push these thoughts away as I stare down the three still-uninjured attackers. Two point guns at me while the third, who is holding the girl, seems to be using her as a shield and is pointing his gun at her head. They shout something at me which I don’t understand, but I think I can guess. Keep fighting and they kill the girl. It’s a threat, based on fear. They know I don’t want them to hurt her. They can recognize that, and they’re trying to use it against me. Simple. Easy to understand. But these guys don’t know me. They don’t know how well I know fear, and they don’t know how sick I am of letting it control me. I know I can save this girl. There is no doubt in my mind of this fact. So, instead of surrender, I act.

I lift my hands in what I know they’ll think is a posture of surrender. Then, I focus on the space behind them. Almost instantly, three glowing discs appear behind the men. The discs seem different than what I’ve created before, but I don’t have time to figure out why. Before the men have time to turn around and see what I’m doing, I direct the discs to move. The first disc flies to the man holding the girl and cuts through his gun. I smack the sides of the other two men’s heads with the flat sides of the other discs. At the same moment I dart forward and snatch the girl away from the first man’s hold, carrying her back toward Hal and the ship.

“Filia?” Hal asks as though he’s surprised to see me. I suppose he is surprised. I had told him I’d stay where he left me. “What are you doing here?”

I drop the girl off in the ship. A man reaches out and takes her from my arms and holds her so tight that I can’t help but think he must be her father. It makes me happy to see the relief wash over them and the fear leave as they are reunited. It feels right. I know I’ve done something good.

I fly next to Hal before answering his question. “I was too scared,” I say. “I couldn’t stay there, not alone. I’m sorry.”

He looks like he’s about to say something else, but instead turns his attention toward the remaining attackers. Some of the men aim their guns at us, while the rest drop their weapons. One, who appears to be the leader, slings his gun over his shoulder. “This ship’s not worth fighting two Lanterns,” he remarks. In response to his words, the attackers scatter. Hal spends a few moments trying to chase them before giving up. He’ll never be able to catch them all.

Instead, Hal turns his attention toward the ship. His ring scans it and begins telling him what needs to be fixed. He uses constructs to set the damaged bulk heads back into place and spends a few moments fixing the engines. Once he’s sure the ship’s safe enough to get the people safely to the next sector, he sends them on their way. The people wave at him through a window before they leave. I see the little girl, smiling and waving at me from where her father is still holding her. I wave back, knowing I did the right thing.

Once they’re gone, Hal turns to me. “How are you doing that?” he asks suddenly.

“What?” I ask, confused. Hal has seen me fly before, and he’s seen me make my poor excuses for constructs. I don’t know what has him so surprised.

“Filia, look at yourself,” Hal says. “You’re green.”


	12. Chapter 12

I look down at my hands and see that the aura covering them is no longer the yellow I am used to, but green, like Hal’s. “How- what is this?” I whisper.

“Are you afraid?” Hal asks suddenly.

I look up at him, taking a moment to process his question through my confusion. “No,” I answer. It takes a moment for the meaning of what I’ve just said to reach me. When it does, I can’t help the smile that takes over my face. “I’m… not scared,” I say slowly. I close my eyes for a moment, searching through myself. The terror is still there, of course. It always is. But now, there’s something else here too. Something vibrant and powerful that makes it impossible for the fear to take over.

I breathe deeply, relishing this new emotion.

“What is this?” I ask Hal, eyes snapping open again to look at him. “What emotion is this?”

“Will,” he answers. “It’s what Green Lanterns use.”

I nod my head thoughtfully. Of course, it makes sense. I look at Hal and for the first time he isn’t filled with mystery. That mysterious thing I had seen in him before but never been able to recognize makes sense to me now. It’s will. I can finally see it, can finally understand it. For a moment, the excitement I feel is so strong that I can’t contain it and glow blindingly bright. I regain control of my aura when Hal shields his eyes.

“This is amazing,” Hal says, still staring at me. I think he’s going to say something else, but he’s interrupted by a beeping coming from his ring. Salaak’s head once again projects from his ring.

“Jordan, where are you?” the man asks, tone harsh.

“I’m where that ship was being attacked,” Hal says cautiously. “The bad guys escaped, but everyone else is fine. I just fixed their ship and sent them on their way.”

“Did you notice anything odd while you were fighting them?” Salaak asks.

“No,” Hal says slowly. He glances at me for a moment before looking back at Salaak. “What’s this about?”

“The Guardians have detected something odd in your area. They say it’s some sort of energy signature, similar to what can be found near the central power battery, but they won’t say much more. Ganthet suggested that you search for it since you’re nearby.”

“Alright, I’ll, uh, see what I can find,” Hal says nervously. “I’ll let you know if I find anything. Talk to you later. Bye.” He quickly cancels the call with Salaak, then looks at me. Even through the green haze of will, I can see the worry in him.

“It’s me,” I guess. “Isn’t it?”

Hal nods. “It’s too much of a coincidence that they find this energy reading near me so soon after,” he gestures toward my now-green aura, “this happens.”

“What do we do?” I ask. “If the Guardians discover me…” I trail off, not wanting to think of what could happen.

Hal thinks for a moment. “Can you switch back to your old aura?” he asks.

I can. I know I can. But I don’t want to. I know this green energy, this _will_ , is the only thing keeping my terror at bay right now. If I let it go, if I choose an aura powered by fear, it could take over once again. Still, refusing to do so is dangerous. I don’t know why or how, but I know that if the Guardians find me, they will try to kill me. So despite my misgivings I nod to Hal and let my aura change once more.

The yellow aura feels cool as it settles over my skin, a sickening contrast to the warm glow of the willpower I had been using moments ago. A subconscious shiver rolls through me. “Now what?” I ask.

“I have to make it look like I really searched for you,” Hal explains. “I guess we just fly around for a bit.”

Hal begins to fly in circles and I follow him, but my heart isn’t in it like before. That had been fun and exhilarating, but now my thoughts won’t settle. This new emotion and new power leads to a thousand new questions in my mind, but they all lead back to one. Who am I?

“Ganthet knows it was me, right?” I ask eventually.

“Probably,” Hal agrees. “I think that’s why he suggested I check it out. Normally the Guardians would send an Alpha lantern to investigate something like this.”

“Do you think he’ll know what’s caused this?”

Hal shakes his head. “I don’t know. But I bet he’ll be waiting for us when we get back.”

Once again, we fall into silence. I want Hal to say something; to explain what’s happened to me or to tell me what will happen next. Instead, he stares into space with far away eyes.

 I’m worried. I don’t know what it means that I can use willpower, but I know that it changes things. Nothing will be the same for me now. I suspect it won’t be safe for me with the green lanterns anymore. I don’t have anywhere else to go, though. I don’t have a home I can return to. I have nowhere, nothing. I don’t know what to do.

Hal notices my aura brightening as I begin to panic. I’ve drifted away from him as I was thinking, and he quickly flies over to face me. He grabs my shoulders gently and my eyes snap up to his.

“It’ll be okay,” he says, conviction in his words.

I know he believes it. I can see the will in him. He is determined to make sure that I’m okay. It’s comforting to see, and I begin to calm down.

Once my aura’s dimmed to more normal levels, Hal releases my shoulders. “Come on,” he says. “Let’s get back to Oa.”

 

* * *

 

 

Hal and I sneak back to the hospital without incident. There haven’t been any major universal crises in a while, according to Hal, so the planet’s fairly quiet. At least, as quiet as it ever gets.

“Wait here,” Hal tells me. “I need to see the Guardians, explain that I didn’t see anything like what their sensors picked up while I was out. Once I’m done, I’ll come back.”

I nod, trying to fight down my panic when he says he’ll leave me alone.

“Don’t worry,” Hal says once again. “We’ll figure this out.” He takes off toward the Guardians’ citadel without another word.

I watch Hal leave, then sit on the side of the bed. After a moment, I get up again and start pacing, hovering a few inches off the ground. My thoughts are racing a thousand different directions and I can’t seem to get them in check. Everything comes back to the questions. Where did I come from? What is this power I have? What’s causing it? Why can I do what I can do?

Hal said my power was a side effect of fear poisoning. That is what he and Sinestro believed. But that obviously isn’t the case. Not if fear isn’t the only power I control.

I look down at my hands again. The yellow aura over them keeps fluctuating, spiking brighter with every panicked thought. I try to remember how they had looked earlier, surrounded in green light. The light had been deep and dark and comforting, like nothing I’d ever felt before. It calms me just to think about it. Before I realize what’s happening, the color on my hands begins to shift. My eyes widen as I see the change and I concentrate, chasing away the green once more in favor of yellow.

I take a deep breath. I have to stay in control. Hal said it was dangerous to use that power. The Guardians can sense it. They will kill me if they find me. I know it. I feel it. For the first time I can remember, I use my fear to control myself. It feels good; right. This is the way fear is meant to be used. For a moment, I smile.

A door opens behind me suddenly and I jump. I turn to see who it is, fearful that my accidental use of willpower has allowed the Guardians to find me. Although it is a Guardian standing in the doorway, it is only Ganthet, and I breathe a sigh of relief. He will not hurt me.

“Filia,” the ancient man says as he floats into the room. “Hal told me what happened, that you used the power of will.”

I nod. “I don’t know how,” I try to explain. “It just happened.”

Ganthet studies my face with an expression I can’t place. “It seems there’s more at work here than I had imagined,” he muses. “Unfortunately, I can’t help you solve this mystery.”

“What?” I ask. Ganthet had promised he would help me. I know he’s smart. He has a better chance of figuring out what I am than anyone else. If he refuses to help, then I’ll never find any answers.

“I want to,” Ganthet continues. “I would like nothing more than to find the answers to all your questions, Filia, but I can’t. It’s not safe for you here. Not anymore. If you stay, the other Guardians will catch you. I can’t bear to think of what they would do then.”

I nod. I knew this would happen. I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to stay. I try to keep the panic and despair from my voice when I speak. “What now?”

“While Hal is speaking with the other Guardians and keeping them distracted, I am going to take you somewhere safe,” Ganthet says gently. Guardians aren’t supposed to feel emotions. I know this. Still, despite being a Guardian and supposedly not having emotions, Ganthet seems able to tell what I’m feeling easily. His eyes and voice are soft as he speaks, attempting to ease some of my fear. “Hal had already planned to take you there eventually. This issue with the other Guardians is merely speeding things up.”

I know he’s trying to sound assuring, but I can’t help but be afraid. The last time I was told I would go somewhere safe, I ended up here on Oa. Even though Oa isn’t filled with fear like Sinestro’s home, it is filled with danger. I can’t help but think that wherever this place Ganthet speaks of is, it will be just as bad.

“Where?” I ask, not trusting myself to say more as I fight my panic.

Ganthet’s voice takes on a strange, almost home sick quality as he answers. “Odym,” he says wistfully. “Home of the blue lanterns.”


	13. Chapter 13

Ganthet and I leave immediately, knowing Hal won’t be able to keep the other Guardians busy for long. I know Ganthet is taking a risk helping me. He could be in trouble if the others find out. Part of me feels guilty for this, but the rest is grateful. I doubt I would have made it if I hadn’t found friends like him.

As we fly, Ganthet asks me questions about my new power. Most are the same as what he asked when I first met him. How does it work? Where did I learn this? What causes it? When it becomes clear that I don’t know these things, he begins to ask new questions.

“Can you do more now?” Ganthet asks. When I don’t respond after a moment, he clarifies. “Before, when you only had the power of fear, you couldn’t make constructs. Now you have a new power. Has the will you have learned changed your abilities?”

I take some time to think about it. It’s hard to tell if anything has changed, aside from the obvious. I haven’t been able to practice or experiment with this new power. I try to remember what I did during the fight earlier. I didn’t make constructs, not like Hal and the others do. I just made those same shifting discs I always have. Still, I was able to control them that time. In the past, whenever they have appeared I’ve only ever been able to make them go away. I’ve never been able to control where they move or what they attack.

“Yes,” I finally answer. “I can’t do more, but I can better control what I do,” I say, unsure of how to explain.

Ganthet nods as if he understands. “Your abilities and level of power remain the same, you simply use a different type of energy,” he surmises. “It is interesting. My guess is that you can absorb emotional energy, much like the central power battery. How you are capable of this is still a mystery, but I have no doubt it is for a purpose.”

This is the second time someone has told me this. They all seem to think that my powers have meaning, that there’s a reason for it. Part of me feels that same way. But I’m afraid of what that purpose could be. What if I am meant for something, but it’s something I don’t want to be?

 _One more question_ , I think and fight the urge to laugh. I wonder if I’ll ever start finding answers instead of more questions.

“Who are the blue lanterns?” I ask after flying silently for a while. “What power do they wield?”

“They use the blue light of hope,” Ganthet says. “Myself and another Guardian, Sayd, created them to guard against the Blackest Night. They were unable to prevent it, but they helped defend this universe and defeat the black lanterns in the end.”

“You said I’ll be safe there.”

Ganthet nods. “The central power battery on Odym creates an interference that even the strongest sensors on Oa can’t see through. It is why the other Guardians have never been able to find them before. It should be enough to stop them from detecting your will.”

“And the lanterns themselves,” I ask, “are they good?”

“They serve the light of hope,” he says, as though that answers the question. I’ve heard him and others say that word before. Hope. I just don’t know what it means.

“And hope is good?” I ask once again.

Ganthet nods. “They are the most peaceful of the lantern corps, and though they have the fewest members, their light burns brightest.”

 That… sounds good, I guess. Peaceful at least doesn’t sound dangerous. It’s better than some of the other options I’ve heard of.

Soon enough I begin to see a glow in the distance. Once we get closer, I see that it’s a planet, and the glow comes from a large power battery. I see the energy flowing into the battery, but like back on Oa I can’t identify it. Still, it is undoubtedly beautiful, and I smile as we pass through one of the glowing trails.

A lantern flies out to meet us when we enter the planet’s orbit. “Ganthet, my friend,” he greets the Guardian. “It is good to see you again.”

“And you,” Ganthet says, smiling. “Unfortunately, I cannot stay for long. The other Guardians will wonder where I am.”

The blue lantern nods understandingly. “Of course. I assume there is a purpose for this visit, as there always is.”

Ganthet gestures to where I float behind him. “This is Filia. She needs a safe place to stay, where the other Guardians can’t find her.”

The blue lantern looks past Ganthet to see me. I shrink away from his gaze, trying to hide behind the rather short Guardian. The blue lantern smiles warmly. “There is no need to fear,” he assures me. “I am Saint Walker.”

He seems to expect some sort of response, but I’m unsure of what he wants. After a few moments, I simply nod.

“My corp will gladly help you,” Saint Walker continues. “However, since you are a yellow lantern, I would request that you not wear your ring while here.”

“I’m not a yellow lantern,” I say timidly. “And I have no ring.”

“We are near enough to the battery,” Ganthet says. He floats back a few feet so he can face both myself and the blue lantern. “You should be safe to use your will now.”

I nod, a smile spreading across my face. I will my aura to change, glad to let the fear drift to the back of my mind. The green aura feels warm and strong as it spreads over my skin. It reminds me of Sinestro when he first found me. I feel safe like this.

“How is this possible?” I look up to see Saint Walker once again staring at me. This time, his attention does not scare me. I can see wonder and curiosity in his eyes, and it causes me to smile even wider.

“I don’t know,” I say.

“None of us do,” Ganthet agrees. I see that he’s also staring at my new aura and realize that this is the first time he’s seen it. He seems as surprised by the change in my demeanor as he is by the different color of aura.

Walker continues to stare for a few moments before speaking. “My people will do whatever they can to help you,” he says. “We may not be able to help you find answers. We do not have the knowledge of the Guardians. But we will keep you safe for as long as you choose to stay.”

“I,” I start, unsure of what to stay. This man barely knows me. He only has it on Ganthet’s word that I’m not dangerous. For all he knows I could turn on him and try to hurt his people. And yet, despite this, he still wants to help me. I know I am fortunate to keep finding people like this.

A small part of me worries that this fortune will soon run out.

I’ve been silent for too long, lost in thought, and Ganthet turns to me with a concerned look. “These are good people,” he assures me. “You’ll be safe here.”

I nod and look to Saint Walker. “Thank you. I- I am grateful for this.” I hope the sincerity of the words, if not their eloquence, will communicate my gratitude.

Walker smiles wider. “Welcome to Odym, Filia.”


	14. Chapter 14

The first thing I notice about Odym is how different it is from Oa or Sinestro’s home. Where Oa was a place of built structures fixed to a specific plan, and Sinestro’s planet is similarly well ordered, though darker and in some ways wilder, this new place feels light and free. It is a place full of life, plants and creatures all around, blue and green and every other color imaginable splashed around in vibrant clusters. It feels far removed from the cold silence of space. I like it.

Odym is a paradise.

Oa had been beautiful in its own way, to be sure. Odym, however, is filled with beauty of a more peaceful kind. The birds in the sky ensure there is never a moment of silence. They fill the air with a beautiful song.

“It’s nice to see you smile,” a voice calls behind me. I turn from where I had been watching a flock of birds and see Ruik, a blue lantern who Saint Walker asked to show me around when I first arrived. He and I have spoken much in the days since then. He has a calm nature, though there is a certain fire of conviction I feel within him. He’s a good person. I’ve come to consider him a friend, these past few weeks. “You didn’t do that much when you first arrived,” he adds, standing beside me to watch the birds as well.

“I wasn’t sure if I could trust you,” I admit, “and I didn’t have much to smile about then.”

“And now?” Ruik asks, his voice purposefully casual. I know there’s a point he’s trying to make with this conversation. There’s something he wants to ask and he’s working up to it. I won’t rush him, though. Ruik often speaks in this way. He’s naturally cautious.

“Nothing bad has happened in a while,” I say. “Part of me is still afraid that something will go wrong and somehow destroy this peace, but I can accept that it hasn’t yet.”

“No one here will hurt you,” Ruik says. I’ve been told this every day since I arrived. I used to think it was only words, but now I know otherwise. Ganthet was right. The blue lanterns are peaceful. It’s more than that, though. They are kind. They don’ just not want to hurt me, they want to make me better. I know Hal wanted this as well, but it seems different from the blue lanterns. It makes me happy.

“I know,” I say, smiling still.

Ruik sighs. “Then why don’t you trust us?” he asks tiredly.

I pull my eyes from the birds once again to look at him. “I do trust you,” I say confusedly.

“Then why do you still wear your aura?” he asks. “Why do you not let your feet touch the ground?” There is something in his voice, something I can’t place, but it is different from the usual calm tone he speaks with. “Why do you refuse to walk on a planet you claim to think so beautiful?”

I glance down at my feet. I don’t want to tell him I’m afraid. He already knows this. It’s irrational. There’s nothing for me to be afraid of, yet still the fear remains. I can’t control it. I don’t need to tell him this, though. There is another reason I keep my aura lit, and why I fly instead of stand.

“I can’t walk,” I tell him. “I need my aura so I can fly. Without it, I can’t move.”

I don’t look at his eyes. I don’t want to see the pity there. I know I am broken. I don’t need his eyes to tell me.

Ruik glances at my legs, and for the first time he must notice how they always seem slightly bent, despite being hidden by the loose clothing I have been given. “They’re damaged,” he says, half question, half stunned realization.

I nod. “Since before Sinestro found me. I can only remember walking once, and that was when I was being led to torture by my captors.”

“The Sinestro corp did this to you?” he asks.

“No,” I shake my head forcefully. “I was captured by rogue yellow lanterns who no longer followed their corp. Sinestro and his people saved me.”

Ruik nods absentmindedly as he continues to stare at my legs. I want him to stop. I hate that people can see it, that they can know so easily that I’m not whole. It’s bad enough that I can’t cover the scar on my back. It glows through any cloth I’ve tried to put over it. I wish it was different. I just wish I was normal.

I wish I was even sure of what normal meant.

“I can fix this,” Ruik says suddenly. I look up to see him staring intently at my face. “I mean, I can try, if you want,” he adds as an afterthought.

“You can’t,” I tell him matter-of-factly. “The green lanterns had a doctor, and she couldn’t fix me. There’s nothing you can do.”

“A doctor couldn’t fix it,” Ruik agrees, “but maybe a blue lantern can.” His eyes are vibrant as he speaks. “That’s one of the things we can do, as a corp. We heal people.”

“It’s true,” a voice speaks up behind us. I jump, startled into brightening my aura, and turn to see Saint Walker. His eyes are fixed on the birds as he speaks. “We believe that, no matter what, all will be well. This includes you, Filia.” He looks at me as he flies closer and takes my hand. “We can make you well, if you’ll let us.”

I glance between Ruik’s exuberant eyes and Walker’s more sedate ones. In each I see the same assurance. They are both certain that the future will be better than the past. I have trouble believing this when I’ve seen no evidence. When my friends look at me like this, though, I know it can’t hurt to try.

“If you really think you can,” I agree uncertainly.

“I know we can,” Ruik says, grabbing my hands and pulling me to my feet. As usual, I hover a small distance over the ground, mimicking the appearance of standing.

“All will be well,” Walker assures me. He stands behind me with his hands on my shoulders while Ruik holds my hands. The boy smiles encouragingly and repeats the phrase.

I expect that they’ll lead me to some form of hospital or facility, but instead they remain stationary. Their rings begin to glow, and soon I am surrounded by brilliant light. I feel power surrounding me, like the gentle pressure of wind. I focus on Ruik and see something within him, something I’d seen before but never been able to recognize. It grows brighter and stronger with each passing second. As it does, the blue light around me brightens. I feel a spark of pain in each leg. It feels like someone’s grabbed them and is forcing them to straighten, but when I look down I see no one, just the swirling light from their rings. The pain passes quickly, replaced by deep warmth spreading through my bones. I feel like I’m on the edge of burning; just a bit more heat and I’d be nothing but ash, and yet somehow it feels right.

Suddenly there’s more pain, this time in my mind. I feel it searing through my head and immediately push back, banishing the light from my friends’ rings with my own aura. The pain and heat begin to fade as yellow light surrounds me.

“Filia,” Walker says, sounding urgent. “You must remove your aura.”

“It hurts,” I say, voice coming out strained, and tears begin to well in my eyes. I know the blue lanterns do not wish to harm me, but that doesn’t mean they know how to make me better. They might be wrong. I don’t want to feel that pain again.

“I know,” he says, voice heavy with sympathy. “Sometimes healing can only come through pain. I need you to trust us, and believe that all will be well.”

“I can’t,” I sob. “It might be well, but it also might be terrible. I don’t want to risk it.” I shake my head and begin to pull my hands away from Ruik.

His grip tightens, holding on to me. “Please, Filia,” he begs. “Let us help you. If you can’t trust hope, then at least trust us. Trust our belief.”

I look at his eyes. I see the sincerity there. I know he’d never do anything to hurt me. I know it. I try to let that knowledge change what I feel. A small degree of calm takes over my fear, and I allow it to fade away.

“Okay,” I say, taking a shaky breath. “I’m okay.”

I feel the power build around me again, light spreading from the lanterns’ rings. It feels different this time. The pain is still there, but it’s less intense. I feel my legs straightening once again. The warmth that spreads through my bones feels comforting now, similar to when I first felt will. It reaches my head and I try to hold in a grimace as I wait for the sharp pain from before. Instead I’m met with a dull ache which soon eases into warmth. I feel like it’s eating away at something, remove some hard, cold edge from my thoughts.

Suddenly, like a dam breaking, everything fits into place. The heat in my mind finally destroys what it had targeted. I realize now that while Walker may have meant to only heal my legs, his ring had another idea. I can feel something in the energy here, something more than just the lanterns. It is something ancient and strong, directing the power of the rings to find what’s broken in me and mend it. I almost see it, ancient hands guiding the broken parts of me back together until I’m whole. I try to focus, try to guess what this entity is, but then it disappears, leaving only peace and a deep calm in its wake.

The light from Ruik and Walker’s rings fades. I feel their eyes on me, staring in wonder.

“You’re standing,” Ruik says, sounding pleased. I look at him and somehow know that he did not see what I did a moment ago. I take a moment to relish the feeling of solid ground beneath my feet before turning to face Saint Walker.

There’s no question that he did see the being that healed me. It’s clear in the wondering look on his face, an expression I’m sure he sees on me as well.

“You were touched by Adara,” he breathes in awe. “You felt her presence. Didn’t you?”

“I- I felt something,” I answer uncertainly. “Something used the power from your rings and redirected it.”

“She did more than that,” Walker explains. “She added power to our healing. While we would have been able to heal your body, she healed your mind. The part of you that was destroyed by fear has been made whole.”

“Why didn’t I see Adara?” Ruik asks, sounding disappointed. Something in the way they say the name tells me his Adara is important to them.

“She appears to whom she wishes,” Walker says dismissively. “Though perhaps she cannot be seen by those with a restless mind. It matters not. What’s important is what she has done for our friend.” His attention drifts from his pupil and back to me. “How do you feel, Filia?”

I think for a moment, testing myself. I feel good, better than I can ever remember. The fear that never went away before is gone now, though I think I could still feel it if I needed to. I’ve come to suspect that fear is necessary at times. I don’t want to be unable to use it should the need arise. I summon my aura, forcing some of the fear to shine through even though it’s no longer oppressive in my mind. It works, a yellow glow spreading out from my skin, though it takes much more effort than ever before. I then release the fear and allow my aura to flow naturally.

It’s less of a surprise than I think it should be when I begin to emit blue light. I focus on it, feeling out this new power. Despite its brightness, this light seems soft, holding a quiet assurance of good things to come.

“This is hope?” I whisper, looking to Walker.

“Indeed,” he says with a smile. “With it, one can endure any hardship, for they know the light shines brightest after the dark.”

I smile as well, feeling out the new emotion. It’s more subtle than the others, more easily overlooked, but somehow it feels stronger as well. I imagine it like a rock in a stream. It may seem powerless to stop the water, but it can still endure its wrath. I’m glad to now have this within me. I look forward to seeing what I can do with it.


	15. Chapter 15

A swift kick flies toward my face and I duck, rolling out of its path. I jump to my feet and try to throw my opponent off balance, but he quickly compensates by hovering with his ring. I see the emotion spark within him as he activates his power, the hope bright to where it’s almost blinding. There’s something else alongside it as well. It’s joy. He’s having fun.

I smile as I attempt to land a hit on him. I find this activity enjoyable as well. It’s been fun, having Saint Walker teach me. It’s different from the fighting that Gardner taught, all power and endurance, and how to outlast your opponent. Walker’s style is quick, efficient, and serves to leave every involved party with as little injury as possible, or in some cases, as much injury as possible for the least effort. I like it.

I fly up and over his next attack before spinning and kicking downward, managing to hit his shoulder. There’s a spark of apprehension in my chest at the impact, but I quickly realize that his aura’s absorbed any damage he may have taken. Still, he sees the burst of fear, echoed in a burst of yellow through my own shifting aura, and holds up a hand to signal the end of our session.

“I’m alright,” I assure him as I float down to the ground, coming to land on my own two feet. It feels good to stand without any assistance from my powers. I like knowing I can completely shut off my aura if I wish, though it feels more natural to leave it on. “I was just worried I may have hurt you,” I continue once we’re both on level ground. “I wasn’t scared.”

“I know,” he says, smiling warmly. “And I am proud of you for that. You felt fear, but quickly corrected it. This is a healthy practice. Fear is necessary to sentient minds, just like every other emotion. We cannot be balanced without some small amount of each. I am glad to see that you can now feel fear healthily.”

I nod, absorbing his words. They are similar to what I believe already. No one can exist properly without at least some small amount of every emotion. I am glad Walker believes the same.

He’s been a good teacher to me since we met, and a good friend. I am glad Ganthet brought me here.

I feel something, then. Like a flash of heat across my mind. I look up, instinct drawing me toward the source of the sensation. There’s a light in the sky, streaming toward us. It’s red.

Walker steps in front of me, eyes fixed on the light. “Go,” he says, urgency like I’ve never heard from him before taking over his calm voice. “Find Ruik and stay near the battery.”

“What is that?” I ask, ignoring his order in the face of my curiosity. I can sense an emotion in the light, meaning it must be a lantern, but like so many I’ve encountered before, I do not recognize what it is. I can only tell that it is powerful, burning through the air toward us.

“Filia, please, it’s not safe,” Walker says, urging me to leave before the lantern reaches us.

“I won’t run,” I argue. I am not afraid of this new lantern. I know I should listen to Walker. I trust his judgment and should obey him. But I am also curious. I want to know what this new lantern is. I won’t run from it.

Before Walker can argue further, the being lands in front of us, hidden momentarily in a ball of fire. Once this fades, I see a woman with pale blue skin and skeletal wings, wearing black and crimson in the usual design of a lantern uniform. She looks at me with burning eyes before turning to Walker. “We need aid,” she says simply, voice near a feral growl.

“We are sworn to help all those who need the light of hope, Bleez,” Walker says sincerely. “But our treaties are clear. No lantern corp may give sole assistance to any other, or fight against each other’s members.”

“Then don’t help us,” she hisses. “Help the people we are trying to protect.” Walker waits for her explanation. The woman known as Bleez seethes for a time before gathering her faculties enough to speak again. “An army is trying to destroy another planet and annihilate everyone living there. We felt the rage of those living on the planet, and we came to their rescue. But we’re outmatched. I know the blue lanterns are the only ones who would ever help my people, so I have come to you.”

“You know we will lend assistance, if it means saving lives,” Walker says. “Though the Indigo tribe may as well.”

“If anyone knew where to find them,” she mutters with scorn.

“May I ask, though, where Attrocitus is?” Walker says. Something in his voice leads me to believe he already knows the answer to his question, though I can’t guess what it may be.

“With our corp, fighting.”

“And he sent you to come ask for our assistance?” Walker presses.

Bleez’s eyes narrow into dangerous slits. “No. He is proud and believes we can end this fight on our own. I am not as willing to see our corp decimated.”

“I trust you will explain our presence to him,” Walker says. “I’m sure you’re as aware as I am that we cannot afford another battle between us.” The woman nods. “I will gather my corp, then.” He bows before flying to the battery, where the rest of the blue lanterns are gathered.

I turn as I watch him go, curious and confused about his actions. I have never seen him concerned like this. I wish I understood what this woman and her corp could do to shake him so.

Once he is gone, the red lantern turns to look at me. “What are you?” she asks, eyes scanning me up and down. I feel them stop on my back, fixed to the symbol I cannot hide, and turn so she can’t see.

“A friend of Saint Walker,” is all I say, unsure of how to explain myself.

“A truth that’s still a lie,” she scoffs. Her voice has grown clearer, like the heat of battle is leaving her in response to this planet, though I get the impressions she doesn’t like it. “You are far more than simply that. You look like a lantern, but I can see you are not. You cover yourself in blue light, yet you bear the mark of Sinestro. So answer me again, what are you?”

“I don’t know,” I say, my voice unbidden as it reaches a tone similar to hers, though I quickly change it to match Walker’s calm tones. “I do not know what I am. Walker is trying to help me remember.”

“Hope looks to the future,” she says, staring far away for a moment. “It does little good for those trying to remember.”

There’s a moment of silence between us. I think I understand what she means. Ruik told me once, before I was healed and when I was still curious about the light he wielded, that hope meant accepting that the past couldn’t change, but the future could be better. By this explanation, I can see the logic in assuming hope can’t help find memories.

“What emotion do you serve?” I ask eventually, curiosity winning out over caution as I step closer to her. I can see the color of her aura clearly enough, but I can’t recognize the power that fills her, like a stain of grey static over her heart.

“Rage,” she answers, a touch of pride in her voice. I can see that she is pleased with this choice, though I’m not sure why. The word seems powerful, but somehow unpleasant. I doubt it’s an emotion I would like to know.

Saint Walker returns a moment later, along with Ruik and many other lanterns. I see the rest of the corp filling the ski around the battery, ready to follow their leader to whatever battle awaits.

Walker signals that he is ready to leave and Bleez takes off, ready to lead the blue lanterns to help her corp. She pauses when she’s only a few feet off the ground, however, and turns to look at me. It is only when I feel the weight of her glare that I realize I had begun to follow without thinking.

“Is she coming as well?” Bleez asks, directing the question to Walker.

The blue leader moves to hover in front of me. “Will you come with us?” he asks hopefully.

I nod immediately. I hadn’t considered that it would even be a question.

 “This is your decision,” he clarifies. “You’re not a member of my corp, but a guest. I can’t order you to do this.”

I shake my head. “You’re going to go fight, to help people,” I say. “I want to come. I can help.”

“Very well,” Walker says before flying back up to meet Bleez. “Filia will fight with us.”

The woman in red simply nods, seeming impatient to get moving. She takes off at speed and we all follow as I begin to wonder what kind of people these red lanterns will be.


	16. Chapter 16

Ruik finds his place at my side partway through our journey. I’m glad he’s here. There’s a part of me that’s scared of this unknown battle we’re flying toward, but I think that part is smaller when friends are near.

I look to Ruik and find the boy is smiling, excited for the adventure ahead. He said before that he’s been on Odym for a long time, but hasn’t been allowed to go use his lantern abilities until he finishes training. It isn’t surprising that he’s happy for this opportunity to use what he’s learned to help people.

“Do you know where we’re going?” I ask. I know the name of the planet will hold little meaning to me, but I still want to know it. This place is home to people who managed to summon a lantern corp to help them. I can’t help but feel that makes it important, and worth my time to learn.

“The red lantern said it’s called Paren,” he answers, sounding just the smallest bit distrustful when he speaks of the woman called Bleez. “It’s a small world with only a few colonies. An army known as the Reach is attacking them.”

“Why?” I ask. I can’t think of why one being would want to harm another, except to prevent harm to themselves.

“It’s the Reach,” Ruik says sharply. “There is no reason. They go wherever they want and take whatever resources they find.” His tone is harsher than I’ve heard before, and the hope I’ve grown used to seeing in him is suddenly clouded. A color I don’t recognize is pushing it out, adding to the sharpness of his voice and hunched set of his shoulders. I plan to ask him what this is when he speaks again, voice lower than before. “They took my planet. It’s nothing but rock now, and they even took some of that. I won’t let it happen to anyone else. They won’t get this planet.”

“We can stop them,” I say, hoping this reassurance will calm him. I can feel the strength in each lantern with us. I can’t imagine anything that could overpower them.

“Yeah,” he agrees, a small smile finally forming as he speaks. “The Reach is strong, but they can’t possible fight two lantern corps. We’ll stop them, finally.”

I watch with some relief as the hope spreads through him once more. I know a lantern needs their pledged emotion to be strong if they want to use it, and I don’t like to think of Ruik going into this fight without hope fueling him.

We fly in silence for the rest of the journey.

Soon we come upon a battle like I’ve never seen before. Countless ships and armored fighters face off against a wall of lanterns as they try to reach a planet. Bleez flies to join her corp the moment she sees them, adding her ring to the fight. I can see that they’re holding off their attackers, but barely. Even lanterns struggle against such a merciless foe.

Ruik charges forward moments before Saint Walker gives the command, a spark of blue in a sea of emotions I can’t process. I chase after him. Fear spikes in me suddenly, streaking yellow through my aura as I surge forward. The red lanterns are strong; I can see that much. And they’re barely holding out against the Reach. If Ruik fights them, if he tries to stop them, he could die. The reality of that thought hits me and for a moment I have no thought but to find my friend and remove him from the battle.

This moment passes when I first enter the battle. The emotions of the red lanterns around me feels like a loud but unspecific noise, distracting without letting me know what it is. I fight off Reach soldiers as I search through this, trying to find something familiar. There’s a spark of blue, and then another, and I realize that the other blue lanterns have entered the fight. It’s good, I know. It’s good that they’re here fighting, even if their presence makes it harder to find Ruik.

Just as I’m about to give up the search, I sense something. I dart through sections of the battle, lending aid as I go, until I am at the very edge of the space the red lanterns control. I see the planet below, a deep reddish brown like rust, but then I see something different. There’s yellow there.

“What do you see?” a familiar voice asks and I turn to see Ruik hovering beside me. He seems to have been thrown from the fray for a moment and is taking a breath before charging back in.

“They’re afraid,” I say slowly. “Afraid and filled with something else I can’t recognize.”

“Do they feel nothing else?” Ruik asks, voice grown harsh once again.

“No-“ I begins before falling silent. Something does start to show in them. It begins with a tiny spark and soon spreads through the whole population of the planet.

“They have hope,” I report with a small, proud smile. “They see you and it gives them hope.”

“They see us,” Ruik corrects, turning back to the battle. “You’re one of us, right?”

He rushes forward before I can answer. I’m not sure what to answer. I have the blue light of hope, but I am far from being a blue lantern. No matter if I want to be or not, I am not one of them.

I follow him, staying within sight as I attack clusters of the Reach. They seem odd. I can sense some form of emotion in them, though it is muted and hidden from sight. Still, they fight with vicious abandon and I find it difficult at times to fight back without risking their deaths. Somehow, even with all the inhabitants of an entire planet relying on us, I can’t make myself kill. The mere thought of it makes no sense to me. Instead I do my best to incapacitate, and try not to feel too sick when a red lantern follows behind me to finish the job.

There’s a great difference between the fighting styles of the red and blue lanterns. The reds make constructs and shoot energy from their rings, and on a few occasions I see them spit a burning substance onto their opponents. The blues, on the other hand, use very little power from their rings. They fly to face each enemy head on and deal with them by hand. I remember what Walker once told me about their rings. Most of their power is locked unless they are in the presence of a green lantern.

I think of Ruik, fighting such a powerful and numerous enemy as the Reach, his own past with them clouding over his hope and taking away some of his strength. He should have all his power for this fight, as should all the blues. How can they hope to help if they can’t fully fight?

I fly back away from the battle to get a better view. I see all of the combatants, like thousands of moving parts, each pressing the others as they try to gain ground, though none of them budge. I see the blue lanterns gathered in one quarter, guarding each others’ backs as they fight. I can tell from here that they’re too isolated. The Reach has managed to cut them off from the rest of the fight and so made them inconsequential to the battle.

“I told you not to bring them,” a rough, gravelly voice says from somewhere to my right. I turn and see a man in red studying the battle, Bleez at his side.

“They were the only ones who would help us,” she answered.

“And yet they can’t even turn the tide,” the man points out. “Useless.”

“They’re trying,” I say, drawing the lantern’s attention from the battle to myself. “Have hope. We will win in the end.”

The lantern merely studies me silently for a moment. “What is this?” he finally mutters, sounding curious as well as something else I cannot name.

I turn from him without answering, looking across the battle once more. I have a plan. I don’t know if it will win the fight, but it will help my friends. It’s dangerous for me, though. I’ve kept my will hidden for a long time, wanting to keep the Guardians from finding me. But the blue lanterns need will. I don’t think they’ll last much longer without some help. So I push my fear aside and let will settle alongside hope in my aura.

The effect is almost immediate. The already bright light of the blue lanterns turns nearly blinding, and they begin to push back against the Reach troops. Their circle grows as they add constructs and blasts of energy to their arsenal. I smile proudly at the sight.

I feel Bleez’ and the other red lantern’s eyes on me and suddenly feel nervous, flying down to join the blues before they can question me further. I see when I arrive that some of the blues have been injured, and Walker has formed a circle in the center of our corp to treat them.

I look around at this steadily growing circle. I can feel the Reach and their haze of unseen emotion pressing in around us, though they can’t make the wall of lanterns budge. Walker continues to push them back while others tend to the wounded.

“Where is Ruik?” I ask. I know I should be concerned with everyone here, but I have not seen him since early in the battle, and I cannot help but worry.

“Not here,” another blue lantern answers. “Last I saw he was taking on a large pack of Reach soldiers over there.” I look where the lantern indicates and see a streak of blue diving toward a Reach ship.

Ruik punches through the ship with ease, and for a moment I think he will be fine on his own. Then I see the warrior on the other side of the ship, armed with a bladed weapon and waiting for my friend. Fear spreads through me and I try to reach them, try to warn Ruik of the danger. I’m too late.

Ruik crashes into the blade, stopping far too quickly. I watch as it stabs through the glowing blue aura and through my friend all in one sickening moment.


	17. Chapter 17

I freeze, watching in disbelief as the Reach soldier flicks the blade to the side, throwing Ruik off as he charges toward another lantern. I feel something inside me, beneath the fear and the hope and the will, growing and burning and spreading until it’s all I have. Blue lanterns fly past me and gather Ruik, taking him back to their circle. I see his eyes as he passes. They’re wide and scared and searching for something to take the pain away.

“They hurt my friend,” I whisper, feeling the heat spread to my aura. My eyes lock on the soldier, the one who hurt Ruik. The blade is still extended from the end of its arm as it fights. It’s clearly some sort of officer or general, leading a charge against a force of red lanterns. I begin moving toward it. I want to hurt it. I feel that desire deep in my chest burning alongside the new emotion filling me.

I take a moment to look down at my hands. I’m not surprised to see that they’re red. I don’t care. All I can think is to hurt this creature, to somehow make it pay for what it did to Ruik. I pick up speed as the thought fills me. I’m burning, trails of red streaking behind me from my unfocused aura, and when I get close I finally focus on them. I make my aura stronger around my hands as I raise them in front of me, pointing toward the Reach soldier.

I crash into its side before it notices me. I feel something, bone or exoskeleton or whatever this creature is made of, crack under my hands as I drive my fists into it. It recovers quickly, turning with the blade aimed for me. I reach out and rip the weapon off its arm, ignoring the scream of pain it draws from the creature.

I think, for a moment, of plunging the blade into the being’s chest. The thought feels good, satisfaction rolling in my gut just from imagining the sight. Disgust follows quickly after and I toss the weapon away. I will not kill this creature, even if Ruik may die from his injuries. I won’t do it. I can’t.

I punch the soldier instead. I drive my fists into it again and again, feeling more of it break under the onslaught but knowing it isn’t dead. I can feel in the back of my mind exactly what it would take. I stay away from that line, hurting without killing and ignoring the part of me that hates how good it feels.

Once the Reach officer stops moving, I let it go. It drifts a bit away from me, and I watch as it bounces off a corpse left by one of the red lanterns. The sight turns my stomach. I hate it. I hate that overwhelming stillness, once something is truly dead. Even if these beings may be evil, even if they would kill everyone on the planet, I still don’t like to see them dead.

I look away from the body, choosing to study my hands instead. They’re mine, still recognizable, though they somehow seem distorted when viewed through the red light. I wonder for a moment if Walker would approve of this, or if Hal would. He spoke of the red lanterns once, and his opinion of them had seemed generally negative. I cannot seem to make myself share the sentiment, though. This emotion feels powerful and it gives me strength and drive to keep fighting just as will does.

I think of will and realize mine has faded, leaving my aura with nothing but red. And with will gone, so are the abilities of the blue lanterns. I see them once again back in their circle, protecting their injured and fighting to the best of their ability. They won’t last long.

I take a breath, focusing and forcing some of my rage aside. I still feel it, burning and deep, but under it is will. If the blue lanterns fail, then I will lose more friends. The thought is too terrifying to be allowed into reality. Determination to help once again stirs in me and I feel some of the other power seep into my aura. It’s not as much as before, and it is vastly overshadowed by the anger still in me, but it’s enough.

The blue lanterns’ rings activate once more, and the tide of the battle turns.

Once I am sure the blue lanterns will be okay, I reenter the fight. I turn my rage on any enemies I see, fighting as best I can without killing the Reach soldiers, making them all pay for the pain that was given to my friend. I don’t think. I’m barely aware of my actions. All I see is Ruik, the end of the blade emerging from his back. I see the fear in his eyes as he was carried away.

I know he’s not dead. He can’t be. I would feel it. But he is hurt, and that hurt is enough to make these soldiers pay.

Eventually, I feel a presence behind me. I turn from the soldier I had been fighting and raise my fists, thinking I will be attacked. Instead of one of the Reach, I see Saint Walker. There is concern in his eyes, though he is also very tired.

“The Reach has retreated,” he says. I feel proud for a moment, looking down to the planet. Joy and relief cover the inhabitants, and I smile at the sight.

“The battle is over, and we have won,” Walker agrees, a hint of a smile on his face. “Bu there are things we now need to discuss.”

Fear spikes in me at the declaration, mixing with my rage to form something volatile. I force this feeling away, though I remain defensive. I don’t want Walker to disapprove of me, but I won’t reject rage either. I can’t make myself see it as an evil thing. It is powerful and dangerous to be sure, but still only an emotion. Rage is a tool I know can be used for good if kept in proper balance. I can feel that. I won’t let him talk me into rejecting it.

“What kind of things?” I ask, bracing for what he might say.

“Ruik’s fate, for one,” he answers. He points to where a circle of blue lanterns surround their youngest member, and I fly to them without hesitation.

The first thing I see when I enter the circle is Ruik. He’s not dead. I can still feel that. But he is very weak, and life grows looser in his grip with each passing moment. Beside him is a group of blue lanterns. I feel energy flowing from their rings to him, keeping a shield around him as they try to heal him. It’s when I see the shield that I also notice his hands, both fully bare, and he wears a plain white jumpsuit in place of his usual lantern garb.

“Where is his ring?” I ask as Walker catches up to me.

“Gone,” the blue lantern leader replies. “It abandoned him. Either he lost hope or it thought him dead.”

“He isn’t dead,” I say instantly.

Walker nods, placing a hand on my shoulder. “He is greatly injured. Our healers are working on him.” He doesn’t say what happens if they fail, though I can sense it. The blade destroyed a vital organ in Ruik’s chest. If he isn’t healed, he will die.

“We can still save him,” someone behind us says. I turn to see Bleez, standing on the far side of the circle with a displeased look on her face. “If your leader will allow it, that is.”

I see Walker shift into a defensive stance at the implication, though I can’t tell what she is suggesting. “He is a blue lantern,” he argues.

“His ring left him,” she counters. “And this one now calls for him.” She holds up a red ring as she speaks. “You cannot keep it away.”

“It will kill him.”

“It will keep him alive,” Bleez insists. “Do you not want that?”

I look between her and Walker. “What does she mean?” I ask as I look to the man I’ve come to trust.

“A red ring would replace his damaged heart,” the Saint answers. “But if he were to ever remove the ring, he would die. I will not tie him to that without his consent.”

“That is not your choice,” Bleez hisses. “The ring chose him.”

“She’s right,” I say suddenly, gaining Walker’s attention. “Ruik, he… he’s going to die. You can’t stop it.”

“He would not want to be a red lantern,” Walker says.

I shake my head. “You don’t know that. He had rage in him even before we came here. I felt it, though I didn’t recognize it until now. Rage is a part of him, just like hope. If the ring chose him, don’t you have to respect it?”

“That is the agreement we made,” Bleez reminds him. “Each lantern corp swore to not interfere with rings seeking new lanterns. The blue ring left him. Let ours take its place.”

Walker appears conflicted for a moment. “Ruik is your friend,” he finally says, eyes fully leaving Bleez as he faces me. “Do you believe this is best for him?”

I want to answer immediately. What’s best for Ruik is to live. How could death possible be better than life? But I know there is more to this decision than what I understand, so I force myself to think about it, for his sake. Rage, I have decided, is not bad. It can do bad things, and may even want to, but is ultimately just an emotion. It is the one feeling it who chooses their actions. I know Ruik. He is a good person, and he wants to do good things. Rage would not change that.

“I think this is right,” I answer, looking up at Walker.

He nods before waving Bleez forward. “Do as you wish,” he agrees.

The red lantern steps forward and releases the ring. It flies to Ruik and places itself on his finger, immediately igniting a red aura around him. The blue lantern healers back away, seeming saddened by the sight. I watch a moment longer, expecting him to awaken once again, but nothing happens.

“Why is he still hurt?” I ask.

Bleez shrugs. “His injuries are severe. He’ll live, but it may be a while before he is well again.”

There’s a commotion behind us as she speaks, and I turn to see the same red lantern that had been speaking to Bleez earlier. “We need to talk,” he says without preamble, dark eyes locked onto me.


End file.
